Obiatori

on truth

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 23:35:58 GMT

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"--Gandhi.

I have always had a fascination with this quote since it was introduced to me in world history. Somehow I was born to love harmony, peace, and I distinctly remember wearing a peace sign on my hand in seventh grade when they bombed Baghdad. The nonviolent protest movement is something I love and admire and utilize in my own share of the new civil rights movement in this country.

That is my philosophy. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Gandhi and King stood by what they said and refused to back down. It won them rights, maybe cost them their life, but they had unshakable faith in their beliefs.

I know what I believe and I know who I am. Even listing out all that I am labels and devalues those facets of my personality; those who know me understand those facets without me enumerating them. Those who do not know me must take my work at face value, my words at face value, and hopefully will not jump to conclusions, be quick to judge, and otherwise hasty in their doings and sayings. Judgment is conducted by everyone, whether meant or not, and one cannot escape it. One can only hope to be judged fairly in the eyes of the law, humanity, and God. And one can only hope that communities of peers or other people with similar interests (even those marginalized by society or conventions) may find support and care, if not acceptance at the very least.

I can only say that I know what I believe. I know what I do, what I say, what I draw. Apologies are sought, but the truth is overlooked and contorted in battles of diction, webs of deceit, jealousies, and petty feuds that are sought to be perpetuated for the sake of a few. I know what I documented, how I documented, the credit I gave and the corrections I made to give the proper credit. I am sorry that a difference of a few words on one site means a complete and irrevocable distortion. I am sorry feelings, opinions, egos got hurt. I am sorry we disagree on the aforementioned issues. I am sorry that my self-removal from said situation equates to cowardice in the minds of some. I am sorry people are so hasty to trust, and so hasty to distrust in a cyber-world where it is easy to hide, and bully, and not deal with the repercussions of actions. I am sorry if this is taken the wrong way and once again misconstrued.

I am sorry I have to see hypocrisy.

Snape art for Sarah's b'day

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 02:38:03 GMT

FOR YOU, sarahetc!!

Title: Severus
Artist: esteltinuviel
Fandom: Harry Potter
Character: Severus Snape aka Snivellus aka Title of Book Six
Rating: G (it's a portrait, pretty tame)

link to my DA

It's not downloadable, but it's 1700x1700 pixels, so it should be big enough if anyone wants to print it out. ^_^ I hope you like your birthday gift. Happy Birthday!

fanart

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 01:51:45 GMT

Title: Edward Elric
Artist: esteltinuviel
Character: Edward Elric
Rating: G
Spoilers: none
Medium: CS2 and Wacom tablet

link to my DA

Title: Kitty Kat
Artist: esteltinuviel
Character: Neko!femme!Ed
Rating: NC-17 (near nudity and hentai-ness)
Spoilers: none
Medium: CS2 and Wacom tablet

link to my DA

icon dump

Fri, 28 Dec 2007 21:48:35 GMT

[99] icons
[19] LGBT themed text-only
[65] Twilight (Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson as Bella and Edward)
[4] FullMetal Alchemist
[4] Death Note
[6] High and Mighty Color

new year

fanart :)

Fri, 28 Dec 2007 05:11:44 GMT

Title: School Girl Alphonse (real original, I know)
Artist: esteltinuviel
Character: femme!Alphonse (from FMA)
Rating: PG (for boobs and a short skirt)
Medium: Photoshop CS2 + Wacom Bamboo tablet

link to my DA

FMA holiday icons

Sat, 15 Dec 2007 04:56:52 GMT

[23]Icons
FullMetal Alchemist holiday/Christmas/winter

Samples:

walking in a winter wonderland

memo

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 01:18:15 GMT

Okay, this is a non-friends only post that deals with my friends:

If you are someone who has added me because you wish to be my friend, there is a handy little comment thing here where you request to be my friend. If you really want to be my friend, drop me a line with how you know me such as "role play, I read your fanfiction, I like your icons, we go to school together, etc." However, if you are an icon-fan I have an icon journal, obiatori where you can friend me too.

I'm not gonna be mean and say, NO! You cannot see my real life! But if you just friend me and I see you when I try and manage my friends, I'm not gonna add you unless you ask (but if I add you first, then no duh). That's just how I roll.

Now if you've asked and I'm just lazy, prod me and say, "yo! Go add me like you said you would!" But I think I've added everyone who requested.

End soapbox.

Halloween elricest fic

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 02:04:34 GMT

Title: Vampire Victim
Author: esteltinuviel for Edward, Alphonse written by ssjkawaiitenshi
Pairing: elricest
Rating: NC-17 for sexuality
Genre: romance, p with some plot, AU (our world, 21st century)
Words: 2814
Spoilers/Warnings: um, lots of sexuality and this takes place in the amestris_high universe
Summary: It's Halloween and Ed has dressed as a vampire, with Al as his ~~victim~~ Angel

Author's Note: I apologize for all cheesiness, fluff, grammatical errors, etc. but I did this in a rush after half an rp and then wrote the rest up today even though it's the day AFTER Halloween but yesterday was crazy with school and trick-or-treating and then National Writing Month stuff. So... unless I decide to deviate from my novel, no fic from me until maybe Thanksgiving (sorry guys) but DECEMBER! I will be back with lots of stuff! Wait for me my loves!

Vampire Victim

Ed crept up silently behind Al, his black cape trailing behind him. He inched closer, smirking, then grabbed him and sunk his vampire teeth into Al's neck quickly. The rubber teeth wouldn't hurt, but he knew it would freak him out... because Ed was a very sexy vampire who had just “bitten” his first victim.

Al squeaked loudly. He was dressed up all in white, with white dress pants, and a white button up shirt. A set of feather wings on his back completed the costume. He was an angel of sorts; so typical of him.

He felt the teeth sink into the supple flesh of his neck and jerked, turning to knee the person between the legs and slap them before taking off down the hallway, scared.

Ed let out a cry of surprise and dropped to the ground, clutching his manhood.

"ALPHONSE! Are you TRYING to make it so I can't have kids?!" He rolled around on the floor for a minute making exaggerated groaning noises; he hoped Al would peak out from the bedroom and the come and rescue him with apologies. Apparently that was not going to happen, so he grumbled, got up, gingerly and went off after Al.

Ed knocked on the door of their bedroom and then entered, not even bothering to wait for Al to answer. His expression softened when he saw Al waiting anxiously behind the door as if his murderer was going to walk in and kill him then and there.

Al squeaked loudly when he realized it was his brother and turned back to catch him in a hug. "Oh brother, I am so sorry... I.. I.. I thought you were some s-stalker... and... and… it’s… it’s dark here... and... and... and... I.. I.. I'm sorry!"

He laughed, hugging him back. "Stalker? Who else would be in our house besides Heiderich or me? And Heiderich had better not be going for your neck." Ed smoothed his hair. "Just next time... please avoid the groin. I like to use it and don't want it damaged."

Al gave a nervous laugh. “Y-Yeah.. and... you... said something about having kids… later..." he paused, going silent.

"Yeah, when we're all grown up. And I don't plan on acting grown up anymore." He grinned and slowly went in to nip his neck again. "Ready for all the trick-or-treaters?" he asked, seductively.

He blinked. "Oh... um... you're having kids with someone...?" He asked quietly, still fixated on what Ed said when he’d been kneed in the groin.

"Huh? Yeah, you!" He looked at him for a second and clued in. Al was… sensitive in the nicest way possible and just as insecure as Ed was. When there wasn’t much to legally tie them together, insecurities tended to surface. And Ed knew Al wanted kids…

"Okay, you kicking me in the nuts and then me saying I wanna use them to have kids some day does not mean I'm gonna go straight all of a sudden and knock up some girl."

Al nodded and shifted. "It... it’s just... you... um... it... won't be with me... that’s... that’s all.' He said and sighed a bit.

Ed wasn’t going to give up on fixing this and neither was he going to get into an argument and ruin potential “act like a vampire time aka go for the neck.” "Look, we can adopt or find a surrogate mom--squirt in a cup--or whatever we have to. And Al, this is years down the road. Don't get all depressed or angsty over it now." He hugged him a little closer, but gradually tried to back track away from the subject of kids. Too much mature, adult-talk about the future was depressing on such a fun night like Halloween.

Al nodded and nuzzled his face into his brother’s neck, kissing it gently. Ed had a blunt way of putting things, but it made him feel better. "Heh... squirt in a cup." He giggled just a bit as he poked fun at his brother, a smile breaking out across his face

"Careful or I'll make you watch," Ed teased back. He gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Love you. Now let me get the candy and we'll be ready for the deluge of kids."

Al nodded as he scrambled off his brother as he was squished up against him. And he raced down the stairs to grab the bowl of candy from the kitchen counter, giggling all the way.

Ed smiled as he descended the stairs slowly, the fangs of his vampire teeth sticking out. "Or maybe there won't be any kids and we'll get to eat all the candy!"

Al blinked and shook his head as he emerged from the kitchen with the bowl, still chuckling slightly.

"Which, I do hope there is some left..." Ed grinned, pulling his cape across his body with a swish of his arm for dramatic appeal. "Cause I plan on having fun with this candy."

Al continued to blink and stare at him, confused, as held the bowl. What was so special about having left over candy? "Ah... ok."

He rolled his eyes. "What, you've never thought of eating from the other end of a Twix bar with me?"

Al blushed and shook his head, beginning to get some idea of what his brother was thinking. Ed was terribly predictable when it came to his thoughts. “O-Oh, um, not but it… sounds fun.” He bit his lower lip and nodded, nervous.

“Hand me a Twix.”

Al found that he didn’t mind sharing a Twix with Edward after all.

XXX

Only a few kids came. By the time the last straggling trick-or-treater, who looked older than Ed and Al, came up to the door for candy, it was a late. Al had laid his head on Ed’s lap, snoring softly as he curled up on him.
Ed smoothed his hair as he slept. It was late, not too late, but late enough that no one else would come and they should probably clean up and go to bed. "Hey, Al, wake up, you need to take a shower or at least wash up before bed."

Al just shifted and started to snore again, mumbling soft words in his sleep. "Mm… brother… oh..." He let out a soft moan and nuzzled his face into Ed’s lap, his nose against his crotch. "Mm... that's so good... mmm... touch me more..."

Ed froze and blushed. "Uh, Al..." Teenage guys did have sexual dreams. Ed still had them every so often... so it was perfectly normal for his now-entering puberty brother to be having these kind of dreams. And it was more than normal for him to be fantasizing about Ed. They were in love after all. "Al," he nudged him a bit. "Wake up and we'll get dressed for bed."

He just moaned again, nuzzling his face into Ed’s crotch rather roughly. Al shuddered in his sleep, and Ed could feel him grinding on his leg. “Mm... h-harder… ohh… that’s… that’s so good…"

Ed shook him a bit. "Al!" If Al was horny like this, he’d rather not have his brother hump his foot. Opportunities like these shouldn’t ever go to waste.

Al jerked when he felt Ed shake him and looked up at him, face flushed and glazed eyes. “Huh?" Ed’s face was still tinged pink and he gestured towards Al’s lower body. Al looked down and slowing realized he had a very large, aching erection.

"Sex dream," Ed said matter of factly, clearing his throat so he could speak clearly. "So.... you er, want to get ready for bed?"

Al bit his lower lip as he shook his head yes, wondering if it was possible to die from embarrassment.

Ed smiled seductively, only now realizing the potential that Halloween and sex had when combined. "You want to bed a vampire?"

"You… would be... bedding me because I’m… " He put a finger between his teeth and shimmied his hips, encouraged by Ed’s sultry voice. "…Innocent."

"Right. And so I've bitten you and now you're my victim... a little fallen angel." He grinned, brushing his lips across his neck, slowly, teasing. "So come to bed with me..." He trailed off, leaving the last bit to Al’s imagination.

Al flushed red, instinctively grasping Ed’s full meaning. "Well, if… I'm your victim… then, you need to take me away to your bed." He licked his lips innocently, swiveling his bright eyes up to look at Ed.

"I suppose so," Ed picked him up gracefully in one smooth motion. "Although, I fell hopelessly in love with my fallen angel, I will be gentle and loving when I make love to him."

Al nodded and nuzzled his chest, running a finger down it to slip through some of the space between two buttons to touch his skin. "But… this angel wants to know what its like to feel carnal pleasure…" he purred at the end.

"Oh? Well I guess this angel is lucky this vampire also lusts for him and will drive him wild with pleasure," Ed purred back the correction, walking upstairs to their room.

Al smiled and nuzzled his chest again. "Mhm… and this angel wants to know wild passion... will--will his vampire show him?"

"Your wish is my command, although I'll warn you, once you enter the chamber, you become mine," he nipped at his neck, fully getting in to the situation. "Give yourself over to me..."

Al shivered and let out a low, soft moan, trembling as Ed laid him on the bed and assaulted his neck in the most loving way a vampire could. He liked the way his brother was talking to him; it was a turn on that had him writhing beneath his brother.

Ed stood back for a second to look at him. He smirked, seeing Al flushed, his legs naturally falling apart a bit, his erection visible through his pants... and then pounced, kissing him fiercely as he pressed their hips together.

Al moaned loudly and clutched his brother’s shoulders. "Ohhh..." He arched up under him, the friction between their clothing and erections igniting a pool of fire in his abdomen.

Ed moved down and kissed his neck, shedding his fangs. He sucked along his collarbone, grinding against him in the process.

"Oh god!" he let out a sweet soft sound and started to tremble, wrapping his legs around his brother’s waist. "Show me everything…" He said huskily into the other boy’s ear.

"Getting ahead of yourself, aren't you?" Ed brought Al's legs back down, putting his knee in between to keep them open. "I'm not finished with your neck." He started to undo Al's shirt, sliding it off.

"B-Be careful! You’ll… you'll leave hickies.." He managed to say through a moan; Ed’s knee had moved up to massage his erection still encased in his pants.

He frowned. "Not where people will see them," and he switched to just under Al's arm, but didn't linger and trailed down his chest, sucking on a nipple and then moving down to his navel. Ed smirked, looking back up at Al as he slipped a hand in his pants.

He crooned as the lips were around his nipple, sucking and tonguing until it was hard. His hands smoothing down Ed’s back and then back up to tangle in his hair as his stomach muscles flexed and twitched at the tongue and lips there. His glazed eyes looking down at him.

Ed clapped and transmuted the rest of their clothes off, too impatient to make a spectacle of it. Al shivered at the sudden change in temperature, but didn’t have time to react as Ed cupped Al's erection in his hand, squeezing and thumbing the tip.

He moaned loudly and arched his back, driven wild by the sudden onslaught of pleasure and lust. "B-Brother!" His cock twitched in his hand, pre-come leaked from the tip.

Ed wordlessly let his hand slide from Al’s cock; he lifted Al’s legs up, positioning them on the bed with his feet against the comforter, legs bent at the knee. Ed shimmied down the bed, planting kisses on Al’s abdomen, erection, and inner thigh before leaning in and licking around his entrance.

Al jerked and cried out, his body shuddering at the feeling. Ed continued to lick; he let go of Al’s thighs, pulling the taught ring of muscle open a bit so he could slip his tongue in as much as it would allow, sucking on an edge. Above him, Al panted and whimpered, soft cries of, “Brother, please!”

Ed gave Al a little nip to the inside of his thigh, smirking as he straightened back up, only to lean across Al and fetch the lubricant from the bedside drawer. Al licked his lips in anticipation as he watched his brother slick up a finger and slip it down to tease his already teased entrance. Ed slipped his finger in, pressing the tip in and then the whole finger. Al let out a moan. He quickly inserted a second and third finger. Al’s eyes widened and he arched up when Ed suddenly splayed his fingers, stretching him.

“Ah!” He cried out, shifting down and enveloping more of him in the process. Ed scissored in all directions, eliciting deep moans and what sounded like purrs from Al as he relaxed into the intrusion. But Ed could see he was getting complacent, and a vampire like him couldn’t settle for anything less than heated, burning passion that would have his brother clawing at his back and screaming his name as he came.

Al blinked, missing Ed slicking up, but felt him retract his fingers and line up. Ed pressed his tip in and then surged forward, thrusting in deep hard quickly. Al cried out, wincing a bit at the familiar burn, but took a deep breath and relaxed his muscles. The pain ebbed away as Ed nipped at his collarbone, hands wandering all over his body.

“Brother, I—“ Al tried to say, wrapping his legs around his brother’s waist, but Ed cut him off with a kiss. His tongue eagerly probed Al’s mouth, exploring the depths of the moist cavity before he nibbled on his lower lip and returned to his throat.

Ed thrust hard and fast, like Al wanted it in the throes of passion like this, diving deep to find that spot that would send Al arching off the bed and into his embrace. He angled, one hand on Al’s hip to steady him, and brushed across his spot. Al’s hands flew up to catch in Ed’s hair, trailing over his shoulder in long golden strands that mirrored his half-lidded eyes in color. He shuddered against him, whimpering as the moved together, one sweat-adorned body grinding against another.

Ed breathed seductively in Al’s ear, his breathing hard and ragged as he thrust into Al continuously at that spot, smiling each time Al’s breath hitched and he cried out brokenly, his strength to hold out and make this last forever fading with each passing ebb of pleasure.

Al arched off the bed again, his hands falling down to cup his brother’s face as he gazed up into his eyes and kissed him tenderly. Ed kissed him back, the kiss only broken by Al’s finishing cry as he tightened and came hard against Ed’s stomach, clawing at his back with tears of pleasure in his eyes.

“Bite me,” he whispered in his ecstasy, exposing his neck for Ed’s mouth to ravish.

“My pleasure,” Ed obeyed, sinking his teeth the tender flesh of Al’s lower neck. He felt the skin break, enough to draw slight blood, and leave a mark for tomorrow, but neither cared.

“Thank you,” Al breathed, trying to catch his breath, smiling now that he was marked yet again as Edward’s and no one else’s.

Edward smiled a half smile-half smirk, giving one final thrust so that Al would tighten again in sensitivity. The pressure overwhelmed him and he came inside Al, finishing with a sharp cry of Al’s name dying on his lips.

Al cradled Ed to his chest, rolling them over once Ed had pulled out. He shivered in the cold October air, prompting Ed to pull the covers up and burrow under them with Al. Al sighed in content against him, Ed’s hair tickling his nose. He giggled. “My vampire has long hair.”

“I’m glad my victim likes it,” he said, still determined to play the part, and gently kissed his temple.

Al looked up at him. “Ed, I love you.”

Ed blushed a bit. “Love you too… um… Al, you know…”

“What?”

“You did ask me to bite you so... you have bite mark on your neck.”

Al turned red. “Oh, um, yeah… Happy Halloween?”

Ed chuckled and leaned in, his lips poised above Al’s neck. “Happy Halloween, Al.”

Ed x Roy fanfiction

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 01:25:09 GMT

Title: Coming Out
Author: esteltinuviel
Pairing: implied Ed x Roy
Rating: R--NC-17
Genre: romance, angst
Words: 1720
Spoilers/Warnings: sexuality, real life issues (sexual orientation and depression/suicidal thoughts)
Summary: Edward discovers things about himself he may not be ready to accept.

Author's Note: Happy National Coming Out Day! I wonder if people knew? I didn't until I checked my favorite news page and saw (like we'd ever know when National Coming Out Day was in Alabama ><) Anyway, I had to write these piece in honor of today and Gay History month. So... if you're struggling with this issue, know it's okay to be gay. I hope I don't offend anyone by this, or cause anyone to become troubled or really depressed over any orientation or gender identity they might have, but enjoy the piece, think a little, and if someone you know comes out, or has come out, just support them. They're humans too. {/soapbox}

Coming Out

He clutched at his chest, heaving with deep, laborious breaths fighting for their way out of his throat and into the air as carbon dioxide and then returning as life giving oxygen.

But his life felt like it was draining away.

Like his color. His face was pale, dappled with sweat that only chilled him in a sickening way, despite the fire that wound its way in spirals up from his groin.

And that was the main problem.

A raging passion that flared up when he caught sight of the naked, smooth, seemingly untouched flesh that was consumed by steam and had water dripping off of it in all the right places.

Only, he loved it for all the wrong reasons.

XXX

Edward slammed the door to the supply closet closed, a scream dying in his fist as he bit down on the hard, unforgiving metal in an effort to stifle any noise. The sobs that wracked his slight frame were similarly silent, but just as gut wrenching, violent, and terrifying.

He wanted to pound on the door, scream in agony, tear at his clothes, hair, skin, anything to transfer the pain in his heart to something else.

Ed slumped to the floor in defeat. His hands clenched at his sides, nails digging into the palm of his hand. It felt good to feel the dull throb, to see the marks and indents when he unclenched his hands and then clenched them back.

He took a deep breath and looked around. He was greeted by darkness. The shower flashed in his mind and he curled up into himself, lying on the floor of the closet, fearing to move or speak.

He just couldn’t be. That couldn’t be him.

XXX

Ed swallowed hard, face tinged pink from embarrassment. He stole glances at the magazine.

The man was muscular, somewhat tanned, good looking, and sexy. His abs were tight, spread taught across his stomach and lower abdomen, two single lines trailing downward…

Ed let out a breath he’d been holding, hollow, breathing hard as if to stop the thoughts and kill the rising heat spreading up into his stomach.

He stole another glance.

The man’s hair was dark, no black like he hoped and wished, but his eyes were narrowed, in a sultry, come-hither way that made him swoon and forgive the model that they weren’t angled like he was a Xingian god come down on earth to torture and then forgive with pleasure and good looks. Although that was a hope and a wish as well.

Ed’s eyes traveled downward, his throat catching a little and his heart racing as he looked the man’s lower half full on. His mouth fell open to form an “o” when he took it all in, the size, the incredible thickness, oh, the sweet coating that dripped like milky honey from the flushed, erect, beautiful organ that God (or whoever was up there) gave to men.

Ed thrust his hand down his pants, hastily trying to unbutton them, kick them off along with his boxers and free his own throbbing organ from its confines. He grasped the head, arching up off the bed as the flesh connected.

That’s what photographs were for.

XXX

He leaned his head over the side of the bed, shivering, shaking, holding himself, afraid he might wretch and spill the military issued lunch on the military issued bed if he didn’t make it to the military owned bathroom in time.

He gagged, but tasted no bile.

He gagged again, but swallowed the feeling down, grinding his teeth in resistance. Another wave of nausea hit him, sending him reeling, on all fours, gasping for breath in between heaves of his stomach.

He waited and the nausea passed, determination left boiling in his gut.

He could prove it. Right or wrong, there was still the chance that he might… this would prove it, once and for all.

If he did it and liked it.

He bit his lip, heart rate speeding up again, unsure of how to go about that. He grabbed the magazine, flipping through the pages. He set it down in front of himself, pulling his wrinkled boxers off for the second time that day.

Hesitantly, he touched a finger to the puckered rim of muscle, feeling a tingle when he rubbed. A bad sign, but he pushed the finger in anyway.

Ed screamed, nearly collapsing on the bed at the sheer discomfort, pain. He clenched his jaw and tore his finger loose, pulling his legs together protectively as if guarding against attack. Attack from himself.

The minutes passed. It could only help, he hoped, to get through this, finish the test of sorts. He scanned the page, mentally beating himself up for forgetting to slick up. He coated a finger in spit, enjoying the sensation of his tongue flicking across the digits.

His finger went in easier, still tight and uncomfortable, but not a biting, tearing pain that seared. He took deep breaths, learning that relaxing eased the tension and made it easier.

He slipped his finger in past the knuckle, then all the way, then two, then three fingers that brushed against a spot and ignited the fire that always seemed to pool in his belly nowadays.

Edward rode his fingers until completion.

XXX

He stayed in bed. Called in sick. Shoed Al away. Wouldn’t let him help. Kept quiet about the pain.

He ached, throbbed in his lower half. He felt stretched in places he knew he had but didn’t know he could use or should use even though he knew he probably shouldn’t but did it anyway and enjoyed it and now was stuck curled up in the bed choking back tears because it just goddamn hurt!

Alphonse left to bring back lunch.

Ed sobbed into the pillow.

XXX

The sleek shine of the revolver, laid bare on the desk, caught his eye. It was waiting, open, just there for someone to take or use should they need it, even though it belonged to Hawkeye.

The barrel was perfectly polished. It would create a nice contrast, silver with the dark red splatter of blood once shot into the roof of his mouth to end it all.

It would be so easy. Just pick it up. Pocket it. Ask to borrow it, use it. Hell, he needed to be trained in using a gun. To know how to shoot without missing.

Even last shots fired require some skill.

XXX

Edward’s hand shook.

The shot fired into the ceiling above.

He didn’t know if he was glad or angry that it did.

XXX

He moped. Wandered around lifeless. Conducted his duties, did all his missions and assignments as usual, with as much skill as usual, but without the life.

No one dared crack a joke, not because of his reaction, but because of the lack of reaction.

The life seemed to have been sucked out of him in some great irony. Alphonse, a soul with no body. Edward, a body with no… life.

His eyes were still bright gold, and he could still fake enthusiasm and fervor, but the little spark of resistance seemed to have been killed.

XXX

You don’t seem like yourself, Al stated.

I don’t feel like myself, Ed replied.

Why? What’s different about you now than last month?

Nothing, I’m the same.

No you’re not, but what’s different?

Nothing! I said I’m the same! I’m the same I’m the same I’m the SAME! He screamed at him, running out of the room to his secure, closeted hiding spot where no one would intrude.

It was three years brooding, a whole lifetime in the making. Edward had a hard time shaking it.

XXX

The steam engulfed them. Edward clutched at the raven colored hair, captured by the strong, muscular arms that held him to the man. The slender, slanted eyes were closed into the kiss, not too wet and demanding, gentle, sensual. It had Ed pushing against him, blushing as his body showed its need shamelessly.

His nails dug into the man’s back, desperately hanging on as he was taken against the wall, pressed into the cold tile and loving every second of it. He thought of a soft, inviting bed, dreaming of next times and what there was to come.

When it was over, his seed spilled on the man’s hand and the floor, the man’s seed dripping from him. He braced himself against the wall, sliding down to crouch on the floor as the water cascaded around him, washing all the impurities into the drain.

He didn’t know what to think. His bottom ached dully, not painfully though, his mind raced, his heart poured out feelings of endearment that were quickly taking away the feelings of sadness and disgust.

Ed stared at his hands, the one metal and the one flesh. An image of Alphonse flashed in his mind.

Maybe this wasn’t so bad in comparison.

XXX

Hey, um, Al? Edward asked, tentatively as he entered their room.

Yeah? His brother looked up with a clank.

I, uh… Ed flushed, looking down at his feet. He felt sick, like he would throw up any second. I have, s-something, I-I’ve been meaning to tell you. His voice wavered, going up into the higher octaves. His heart raced, he felt sick, eyes darted around the room rapidly, looking for escape, home, a sign, some comfort, it was hot, he needed to get out, it was dark but it was the middle of the day, it was all closing in on him and God, he was having a panic attack!

Brother, calm down! Al’s voice was alarmed, but helped soothe him. Understanding. Just tell me what it is.

I-I—Al, I’m… I think I’m… Al, I’m gay!

He expelled a breath, clenched his hands, and prepared to grab his suitcase, already packed, and leave with promises to fix him as soon as he could but that it was okay, they didn’t have to see each other in between then.

So? Al asked.

So?!

So what? What’s the big deal?

Big deal? Ed was confused, blinking. Al was acting weird, like he understood and was okay with it all. Was it… okay to be okay with this?

Doesn’t really change things. Al shrugged as much as a suit of armor can.

Doesn’t really change things…. Ed repeated.

Yeah, Edward agreed. Doesn’t really change things.

XXX

And Edward Elric smiled.

multifandom icon post number 2

Tue, 09 Oct 2007 22:42:40 GMT

[74] total
[21] An Cafe
[31] FullMetal Alchemist
[22] Twilight Japanese illustrations

Samples:

bite me

x-posted to obiatori, twilight_book, fm_alchemist, iconaddicts

Happy Birthday fanfic

Tue, 09 Oct 2007 02:34:29 GMT

Title: Happy Birthday
Author: esteltinuviel
Pairing: Ed x Heiderich
Rating: NC-17
Genre: romance, pwp
Words: 1417
Spoilers/Warnings: AT, pwp
Summary: Happy Birthday, Alfonse

For: inuyashanohime (Happy birthday!)

Happy Birthday

Alfonse Heiderich awoke to birds chirping melodiously outside, rays of sunshine pouring through the window, and two bright golden eyes starting at him from the opposite side of the bed.

“Edward, what?!” Alfonse nearly fell off the bed, seeing Ed only inches away from his face, pressed against his side so that Alfonse could clearly tell that no, Ed had not thought to put on boxers after last night.

Alfonse hadn’t either, but still. And now Ed was pressed against him, inviting golden eyes staring into his, and his sexy, silky smooth voice breathed, “Happy Birthday, Alfonse.”

Heiderich was already weak at the knees.

XXX

They kissed, slowly, tenderly, lovingly, limbs beginning to entwine as their mouths met. Ed tentatively slipped his tongue inside Alfonse’ mouth as he parted his lips to give him entrance. Alfonse moaned at the contact, pulling Ed close until the smaller blonde was flush against him. .

Ed cupped his lover’s face in his hands, one metal and one flesh, drawing Alfonse’ face up into a deep kiss.

“I love you,” Alfonse breathed in between kisses, lips parted and eyes half lidded as his head spun and his heart raced.

Calm and seductive, Edward nearly purred back, “Love you too,” before he had captured Alfonse’ lips in a kiss again and gently rolled him over on his back.

Alfonse gasped when he heard the crinkled of sheets and felt Ed climb on top of him, making the tender and throbbing flesh of Ed’s erection brush against Alfonse’ emerging own. He shuddered at the feeling, clutching Ed closer as he buried his neck in his shoulder.

“E-Ed!” He moaned as Ed nipped and kissed at his neck, drawing the skin up into a love mark he’d have to hide later, but could blush over in private. Ed moved lower, lapping at the dip in his throat and then along his collarbone.

Alfonse tensed and panted as Ed moved even lower, licking and sucking at nipples, trailing down his stomach and his navel until Alfonse bucked in anticipation when Ed kissed the sensitive flesh of his inner thigh.

He had thrown the sheets back as he slid down Alfonse, now hovering between his spread legs that were bent at the knee. Edward leaned in, ghosting his breath across the quivering flesh that now leaked precum, before finally stopping on the teasing and kissed Alfonse’ tip.

Alfonse’ fought to keep his hips down and his breathing steady when he felt Ed’s mouth connect with his aching erection. He bit his lip, but moaned around it; Ed sucked around the tip as if it were a lollipop, then engulfed his whole length and clamped down on him with his mouth.

Alfonse writhed as much as he could without making Ed choke, the sensations of Edward lick with broad strokes at his underside, suck hard at his tip, and bob his head. His breath hitched as Ed let go of his cock with an audible pop, favoring a teasing lick to his balls before he fully, and gently, Alfonse gratefully noticed, took one in his mouth.

“Ed, I’m gonna--!” Alfonse thrashed about, unable to stop the tingling feeling that was rapidly spreading up his abdomen to his beating heart.

Ed pulled away, pouting a bit, but smirked when he saw Alfonse arching up off the bed, his hips thrusting into the cooler air of morning in an attempt to find some relief. The look on his lover’s face was priceless, all flushed and dabbled with sweat. His cerulean eyes were half lidded, gazing up with lust at Edward, who couldn’t resist leaning up and kissing him on the lips.

“Edward, please—don’t make me wait—“ Alfonse pleaded in between kisses.

“I won’t—I promise—“ Ed whispered back, reaching over to fumble for the bottle of lubricant in the bedside table drawer. He squinted, trying to focus on the label of the bottle—to chose the lubricant and not automail oil—but found it easy enough. Alfonse trembled as Ed put a hand on his thigh to steady him and coated his finger in the liquid. He took a deep breath in an effort to relax and not tense up, smiling his thanks when Edward waited patiently for him to be ready. Alfonse nodded, and spread his legs wider for Ed. He slipped his finger down, rubbing it against his entrance, before pushing it in to the knuckle.

Alfonse’ eyes shot open and he arched up, crying out, bucking down on Ed’s finger to slip more of him in. Ed surged forward, thrusting his finger deeper into his lover. He quickly added a second finger and then eased up, smoothing Alfonse’ hair with his free hand. Alfonse relaxed, a sweet smile spreading across his face as he was stretched and prepared. Ed splayed his fingers, scissoring them in and out so that Alfonse was pliant and supple, eliciting little moans of encouragement.

“Ready?” Ed asked, pulled down to Alfonse’ chest by his lover’s arms.

“Yes,” Alfonse replied quietly, relaxing his hold on Ed.

Ed pressed his lips to his collarbone silently, lining up. He pressed his tip at Alfonse’ entrance, feeling it slip in with a gasp. Alfonse wriggled his hips, encouraging Ed to continue, to press in further and be totally engulfed in his lover’s heat.

With a groan, Ed pressed forward slowly, each inch being pulled into Alfonse tight, puckered entrance excruciatingly slow and pleasurable. He could have easy let go of his self-control and reason, slamming into Alfonse in wild abandon, driving him into the bed.

But he steadied himself, letting Alfonse adjust and relax, before he began to slowly thrust in and out of him.

Alfonse practically melted, going limp against Edward before tensing up again and moving his hips up against Ed’s own hips. He moaned, crying out as Ed thrust, feeling him angle. His breath hitched and his eyes widened, only to be screwed shut again, as the warm, intense feeling of pleasure spread through his body, wiping away any residual pain.

Edward retracted slightly, and then surged forward, thrusting deep; he brushed across Alfonse’ spot, igniting that inner fire. Alfonse bucked up, clawing at his back in a desperate attempt to pull him closer and to be closer to him.

“Alfonse!” Ed moaned breathily into his ear, teasing the sensitive skin between his teeth for a while as he slammed into him in a surprisingly gentle way. Alfonse nodded, whimpering. His breathing was ragged, his moans profuse.

“E-Ed--!” Alfonse began, but was cut of with his lover’s lips on his own.

“I know,” Ed whispered, instinctively reaching a hand down between them to cup Al’s cock once again. He wrapped his hand firmly around the pulsating shaft, slick with precum and sweat. Alfonse sighed in relief, his brows dipping down in pleasure.

Ed kissed his extended neck, running his thumb across Alfonse’ tip simultaneously with a thrust to his spot.

“Oh—ah!” Alfonse cried out, the familiar tension building in his groin. A stroke to his underside and another thrust later and he tensed, shuddered, and came, screaming Ed’s name into his shoulder.

He clenched, involuntarily, causing Ed to gasp from the suddenly overwhelming heat. Within a second he was screaming out his own release into the sheets tangled around them. Alfonse panted, sinking into the bed as Ed filled him and then collapsed on his chest, breathing just as hard, yet just as satisfied.

Alfonse lazily stroked his lover’s hair, helping him relax and calm down. After a few minutes Ed pulled out of Alfonse and curled up against his side, tracing patterns on his chest with his flesh hand.

“Mm, good…” Alfonse sighed contently into his neck, snuggling into the protective arms that encircled him lovingly.

“I’m glad,” Ed replied, nuzzling his cheek. “Happy birthday, Alfonse. Sorry I didn’t get you anything really.”

Alfonse’ eyes flitted up to meet Ed’s golden ones. “What’s there to be sorry about. I’m fine with it.”

Ed shook his head. “No, I should have gotten you something, hey, what is it?” He glanced at Alfonse, who had suddenly turned a delectable shade of pink. “You okay?” He pressed his palm to his forehead, checking for fever.

“I, um, yeah, just embarrassed,” his blush deepened when Ed laughed.

“Then what is it?” Ed smiled, his niceness and absolute sexiness prying it out of Alfonse.

Alfonse ducked his head under the sheets, thoroughly embarrassed to have such thoughts, and mumbled, “Sex this good is already a present.”

elricest pwp

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 01:15:00 GMT

Title: Intensity
Author: Edward written by esteltinuviel, Alphonse written by ssjkawaiitenshi
Pairing: elricest (Ed x Al)
Rating: NC-17
Genre: romance, pwp
Words: 2362
Spoilers/Warnings: sexual content
Summary: It's a hot day and Ed has an interesting way to keep cool.

Author's Note: First person to tell me which doujinshi this was inspired by gets cool points and a gets a fanfiction dedicated to them (just give me a prompt and I'll give you the story)

Intensity

Ed came up behind Al, who was looking quite delectable in his tank top, and promptly stuck his hands through the arm holes in his shirt and assaulted his nipples.

"Yep, you were right Al. The air conditioner's broken," Ed told him, resting his head on Al’s shoulder so he could hold him still.

Al let out a surprised yelp and almost tripped as he felt Ed’s hands on him, and well, touching sensitive areas. "B-Brother!"

Ed held him steady as he gently pinched a nipple, which was now slightly hard from the ministrations his thumb had delivered. "Yes?" he drawled it out, a slight smirk on his face.

"Brother it--it's too HOT for that!” He moved and swatted those wandering hands away, even though they did feel pleasurable.

"Yeah," he paused to think. It was the middle of summer, the “dog days” as their mom had said, and it was incredibly hot outside and inside. The broken air conditioner did not help things, and only made the heat worse when they knew they couldn’t just adjust temperature. But if it was hot already, and sweat did help you cool off, then they should do something physical so they could sweat and then they would feel cooler. "But if we do something hot then the air will seem cooler in comparison,” he stated plainly. Ed tried to reinsert his hands, moving one down to come up his shirt from below.

"Brother!” he squeaked again, "I have things to do! How about later when it’s cooled down from the sun going down?” If it was night, like always, then it would be cooler, marginally.

"Aw, but where's the fun in that?" Ed pouted. “Besides, you don't want to go to bed hot..."

"I'll take a cold shower!" he protested, although Ed did have a point. Nothing was worse than trying to sleep on a hot night, even with air conditioning or a fan or even an open window; it was just miserable. He turned around he bent over to pick up some laundry, since despite the heat, the chores still needed to be done.

"That's not fun! It kills things!" Ed had another point. Cold showers usually did kill “things” that were signs one was eager.

Ed crossed his arms and debated grabbing his ass while he bent over. Instead, knowing that doing so would be nice but the wrong thing to do, he waited for him to straighten up and hugged him from behind, kissing his neck.

Al let out a noise of surprise and promptly dropped the laundry. At least it was already dirty, but still. "Brother!”

"You know, your body is saying 'touch me'. You should listen to it." He kissed his neck again, just a bit harder to prove his point.

He let out a soft moan against his will and felt his legs get weak. It was hot, too hot to be tempted like this and the heat had already made him woozy and then Ed had to go and be seductive! Why couldn’t his body shut up about wanting to be touched?

"Mm, come on Al..." He licked just a bit with his tongue, teasingly. Al let out another moan and trembled at the small, but intense feeling of the tip of Ed’s tongue moving across his skin.

After that little victory, Ed slowly started to guide him to the sofa, nipping and licking and kissing his neck in various forms of assault all the way. Al complied, moving close to the couch, and lifted his legs to kneel on it while Ed was still behind him. He could feel his brother pressed against his back and lower half, certain parts sticking out more than others.

Ed smiled and turned Al around to face him. "I wanna kiss you first." Still a romantic at heart (although the only time Al had pointed out Ed was a romantic, ended in Ed denying the fact and getting rather huffy about it, so Al wisely let it drop) and gentle no matter how much he lusted after Al. Ed leaned in and kissed him, deeply, the kind that he knew would leave Al panting, with a hint of a whimper in his voice, craving more of the gentle yet firm and loving kissed.

Al moaned into Ed’s mouth as if on cue, although it was merely a result of Ed knowing his brother and what he loved thoroughly, and fisted his hands into his shirt. A blush started in his cheeks and quickly spread across his face in a rosy glow.

Ed kissed him again, slipping his tongue inside his mouth to swirl around and probe the dark recesses. His flesh hand trailed down to lift up Al's shirt, eliciting a moan from Al. Ed pulled the shirt up on to Al’s shoulders and finally pulled the sweaty fabric off after helping Al raise his arms. He leaned in to kiss his chest, particularly his nipples. He sucked on one, his pink tongue darting out to flick at the skin in ticklishly light feeling; his automail hand, pleasantly cool in the heat, gently pinched another nipple into hardness.

Al sucked in another hard breath, finding even such a small gesture arousing.

Ed moved down, kissing, to his navel, and dipped his tongue in, while his hands worked on freeing Al's pants, involuntarily brushing across the growing bulge. Al stifled a gasp with his hand and bucked up, wanting relief, but couldn’t hold off his sounds of pleasure much after that.

Ed smiled at the sounds Al made and worked both Al’s pants and boxers off, touching him fully now that he was unclothed. "You know, I thought I might suck you off first, but I'm wondering if I should just skip to the good part."

He panted and arched up, mewling at his words in a kitten like way that drove Ed crazy, even though Al’s rosy glow tinged a bit redder when Ed said that.

Talking dirty was something Ed only did on occasion; he was either too modest to actually speak that way during sex despite his usual potty mouth, or for some other reason Al didn’t know about, hardly spoke that way. He suspected the former, for Ed was, again, unusually sensual and loving when he made love to Al. Even now when they were both clearly horny and just in need of sex, Al could tell Ed loved him. It was the little things, like giving him options… and not just jumping him and fucking him into the floorboards in all of about five minutes. In fact, Ed was taking a bit more time than Al would have liked.

He moved his hand slowly—excruciating slow, Al thought--up and down Al’s cock. "Mm, so what would you like?"

Ed might have been a closeted romantic, but now he was just sexy. With no air conditioning, the room was stifling and Ed had beads of sweat trailing down his chest. Chest? Al thought, When did he take his shirt off? Or did he have it off all day and I just never noticed? Further than that, Ed had his hair down, despite the heat, for Al. The sweat seemed to glitter, catching the light from the window and reflecting off his hair and glistening skin. Or maybe the heat was making Al’s vision fuzzy…

He shuddered and clung to him, pleading. "B-Brother… I want… want… y-you… p-please!"

Ed took that to mean 'the good part' and spread Al’s legs, but Al stopped him, blushing. “I want to do it from behind, Brother… it’s easier to hit my spot.” Ed blinked and then turned Al back around to face into the sofa, a sly grin on his face and then proceeded to get undressed himself, kissing the back of Al’s neck. One of his hands resumed touching Al.

Al leaned over the sofa and shuddered as he felt his brother’s hand on him, the metal cool and refreshing yet at the same time electrifying. He felt goose bumps form on his arms, a contradiction to the oppressive heat, which had settled in around them.

Ed kicked off his pants and leaned over to grab a bottle of lube from the drawer, which Al remember with a flush, was fully stocked like every other drawer in their house. Wisely, he chose the non-warming kind and poured a little on his automail hand. This was a time when the cold metal would feel good.

Al whimpered, wiggling his butt in an attempt to move Ed to action, "Brother… please!"

Ed laughed, secretly pleased he could make his little brother writhe and beg. “Alright, alright, I'm coming." He spread Al's legs, slipping his hand down to brush between them, and felt the puckered indent of his brother’s entrance. He gently pushed one finger inside to the knuckle.

Al grinned, relaxing a bit now that Ed had finally gotten to the good part. "Well, I would hope you're not coming YET brother.” He smirked, albeit innocently, up at him, a seductive look spreading across his face.

Ed flushed, turned on by Al’s naughty words and embarrassed that he’d been the subject of said naughty words. "I'm not! I'm holding up, thank you." He pushed the finger in all the way and started to wiggle it around, just to get him back; clearly he had forgotten his teasing of Al with equally dirty language only minutes before.

Predictably, Al sucked in a breath and cried out

Ed kissed his neck, helping to ease Al’s tension. "Feel good?" He added in a second finger, gently. Al nodded, whimpered again as Ed stretched him and tenderly nipped at Al’s skin.

"Love you," he whispered as he added a third finger, finally scissoring them so Al was fully stretched and prepared for what was to come.

"Ngh… E-Ed... b-brother..." he moaned loudly, arching up into his touch as he felt Ed’s fingers retract from his body and he was left empty, even if only for a second.

Ed lined up, one hand on Al's hip and the other around front to cup his brother’s aching member. He pressed forward, just the tip of his own aching and leaking cock slipping inside Al’s stretched entrance.

Al shuddered against him and trembled. His hands fisted into the fabric of the couch as he was pressed against it, his legs slipping slightly—coated in sweat—on the cushion.

Ed held him steady, and after a second, pushed all the way in, slowly, in one long thrust.

Al cried out at the contact, a deep hum in the back of his throat, continuing as Ed took up a gentle but quick rhythm.

Al panted under his brother, legs shaking as he tried to support himself, but often failed and would slip, and Ed would thrust into him harder and deeper. His back tensed with every thrust, his muscles tightening and constricting around his brothers cock, which in turn made Ed cry out.

"Al!" If it wasn't bad enough that Al was excruciatingly—yet in a very NICE way--hot, Al had to tighten up every so often as well, clamping down on his cock so that he gasped, faltered in his thrusts, and all around couldn’t think for seconds at a time.

After a few intense minutes, Ed shifted, angled, and thrust in deep at Al's spot, knowing his brother was begging for the pleasurable release by now. Al’s mouth watered as he cried out and tightened around him, again, in reaction. He couldn’t help it, his body just did it, and he blushed when Ed let out a breathy moan close to his ear.

Ed thrust again at the same spot while his other hand fisted Al's cock, becoming coated in precum. "Al...!" He kissed his neck again; his slick stomach was pressed against Al’s back as they moved together. At that rate, Ed knew he wasn't going to last much longer--Al was just too good at being on bottom.

And Al couldn't wait—Ed was just too good at being on top. That thrusting at his spot… the little nips to his ear… the feeling of his brother’s body against his own so that they were so close he ceased to exist as himself… it was all just too powerful.

His body tensed again, his muscles clamping as he buried his face into the cushion and screamed his white-hot release into the fabric. His come coated Ed’s already wet hand that slipped off his softened member reluctantly. Al panted, trying to catch his breath as Ed still thrust away, his own release building.

Ed came, panting into his shoulder, not long after, from a combination of Al’s heat and the perfect pleasure he felt as he dove into his brother. "Damn," he muttered, eyes shut. That was about all he could manage to say as his mind had gone blank and mushy in a pleasant afterglow.

Al panted hard and pushed up on wobbly arms, trying to regain a bit of posture. "Mmm... brother... I love you."

Ed smiled lazily and turned Al around to face him, then lay down so Al could rest on top of him comfortably. "Love you too, Al."

Al dutifully crawled on top of him and snuggled into the inviting arms that were soon wrapped around him protectively. “Mmm, maybe you’re right,” he mused, brushing his lips across Ed’s collarbone. “It is a bit cooler now,” he relented with a shy smile.

"’Course it is." Ed stroked his brother’s back with his metal arm, little spikes of coolness tingling down his spine; they felt good against his hot and sweaty flesh. "Didn't tell you that for nothing."

Al looked at him for a second, then brushed his lips over Ed’s cheek and smiled at him.

Ed pouted at the kiss to his cheek, then smirked, pulling him into a kiss on the lips. "Besides, your body really was screaming to be touched."

Al flushed a deep red and then smacked Ed’s hand away when he reached for a nipple, a smile tugging at the corners of Al’s lips at his brother’s hopeless determination.

Al x Hei angst fic

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 00:23:41 GMT

Title: Stray Kitten
Author: esteltinuviel
Pairing: one-sided Alphonse x Heiderich, implied Ed x Heiderich, elricest
Rating: R--NC-17
Genre: angst, romance, non con, one-sided romance, implied kink, animal role play, AT
Words: 1519
Spoilers/Warnings: as said above, non con, implied kink and animal role play, slight movie spoilers
Summary: With Edward dead, Al finds it hard to move on living with Edward's lover and his own doppelganger

Stray Kitten

Alphonse stared at his reflection in the mirror. His gaze moved from the gentle curve of his nose and the round shape to his face, to his large eyes that shone in the pale light, then back down to his mouth, neither a smile nor a frown, and then back up to the hair that fell across his forehead.

Only, when he looked in the mirror he saw blue eyes and blonde hair.

XXX

Al curled up on the couch, pulling the cat up into his lap. He started to pet his fur, and smiled when the animal began to purr at his ministrations.

“You’re a good kitty,” he whispered, bending down so his face was closer to the cat’s. Al’s smile widened when the animal relaxed and allowed him to rub under his chin, stretching out his neck to receive the maximum rub.

“You’re not fickle like all the others, but even if you were, I’d break you of that habit.” Al’s voice held a tinge of cold, a touch of sternness that was enough to make the cat tense up again and his already fast heart rate increase rapidly so that it was beating in his chest like that of a rabbit’s as it is about to be eaten by the fox.

Al’s smile fell and he stopped petting the cat. “If you don’t want to be petted, fine, have it your way.”

Al got up. Normally, a cat would feel the owner was getting up and jump off. But Heiderich just fell to the floor.

XXX

“Kitty! Kitty, time for dinner!” Alphonse called down the hall, clanking the food dish with a spoon.

Kitty came sauntering down the hall, in no hurry despite his hunger, but gratefully stared at the dish of chicken. He bent down, too far used to eating this way to care that he was eating with his face in a food dish, mouth covered in little bits of chicken, all of his gender identifying features plainly visible to his owner.

It was cooked. Kitty tried it raw once, as it was offered to him, but Kitty threw up and was given cooked meat from then on.

Cat throw up was unpleasant to clean.

But if Kitty ate all his food and was good during dinner, Kitty would get milk. And all kitties liked milk. Or if he didn’t like it, Kitty drank it anyway. Because all kitties like milk.

Alphonse watched his kitten eat, smiling, pleased his kitten enjoyed the food. Pride welled up within him, for being able to take care of a pet. The feeling soon came crashing down. Kitty wasn’t really his. Kitty was a leftover.

Edward had died to save that damn cat and now Al was left—alone—with the stupid thing.

XXX

Al gripped the fur on Kitty’s head, tight, his own jaw clenched shut in a growl. Only Al was permitted to growl.

Kitty meowed in what Al took as—said—was pleasure even though it was Kitty lapping at the weeping milk in hopes that the full deluge of milk would come soon enough even if he dreaded that event with as much as he could dread anything in his life now.

He flicked his tongue out at the tip, lightly licking, but then used his tongue to sweep in broader strokes as if hungry for the sweet secretion that was soul crushing to taste.

Al relaxed his grip, petting and smoothing the hair and naked skin, running his hands along the backbone of his kitten, whispering words of praise. He rocked his hips into Kitty’s mouth, surprising his pet.

Kitty choked, his teeth accidentally grazing the tender flesh.

Alphonse’s reaction was visceral.

He kicked, jerking, and pushed his kitten away forcefully. Kitty recoiled in fear, flinching as the hand rose against him and came crashing down his tender skin that should have hardened and grown used to this by now. He fought the urge to hiss and bite back, harder this time, but was petrified by fear of the hand that abused his body.

“Bad Kitty! What have I told you about biting?!” Alphonse shouted at him as he shoved him from the bed.

Heiderich whimpered out a meow and waited for Al to go to bed, for only then could he curl up and nurse his bleeding wounds.

XXX

Al sobbed into his pillow. His hand stung from where he’d hit his cat, and the sound the poor animal made had twisted the knife farther into his fractured heart. His skin crawled as if infected with bugs, maggots, anything unclean and his mind reeled from the anger and abuse he’d just unleashed.

He hadn’t mean to. Honestly. He never meant to hurt his kitty. He loved his kitty.

But it wasn’t his kitty.

Heiderich was Ed’s kitty. Al wished he was Ed’s cat. But Ed was dead.

XXX

Kitty carefully crawled back up onto the bed once Al’s sobs had quieted and he had slipped into a deep sleep. He curled up against his back, nuzzling his nose into his neck.

Al’s breathing evened out and his body relaxed against his cat’s.

Calm.

XXX

Al woke up with his kitten still fast asleep against his back. He sat up slowly, so as not to disturb his pet, but the animal woke easily and soon blinked up at him.

Al hesitantly reached over and scratched Kitty behind the ears. Kitty flinched a bit, and Al drew his hand back hastily, biting his lip.

The tears came anyway.

They flowed like the blood that had seeped onto the sheets, staining them once again.

He sobbed and pulled his cat close, cradling the broken and bleeding animal in his arms with whispered words of apology and promises to never do that again, words of love and comfort. Empty words and broken promises.

Sorry never was enough.

XXX

Al let out a loud giggle as his cat tickled his bare chest. He laughed more when the cat started to knead his stomach, massaging the muscles as his paws worked the skin. Al brought his hand up, carefully, to stroke his cat’s underside, looking at Kitty’s face for signs of disapproval. But Kitty was relaxed, purring again.

“You’ve got such pretty fur,” Al murmured, petting him. “All creamy and smooth.” He trailed his hand down further, to just barely touch the tufts of dark that curled around more sensitive areas.

Kitty tensed and rolled over away from Al, curling up to protect his vulnerable underside. His bright blue eyes were wide, dilated as much as his true nature would allow, scared. His heart raced like that of a cat’s, borderline panicking.

Al pulled his kitten close. “Shh, it’s okay, I’ll take care of you.” He rubbed his cat’s neck, soothingly, to calm the frightened animal. “You’re my little stray.”

Except Alphonse was the stray in need of care.

XXX

“Kitty, what was my brother like?” Al asked him, lying on his bed with his cat curled against his side. He idly petted his hair, long strokes from the top of his head down his backbone, but stopped just before he reached the tail. Or what would have been a tail, but Al had always suspected his kitty was a Manx.

Kitty’s eyes flickered up, but then back down. Kitty was silent, hardly purring at all. Al wondered if he needed to see a vet because his kitty was so silent these days.

“Was he nice to you? Gave you treats? Did he let you sleep on the bed?” Al paused, his voice going softer. “Edward would have never let my cats sleep on the bed… if I had any. “

Kitty shifted a bit, still tense. His muscles never seemed to relax.

“I bet Brother was a nice owner. He picked you out after all. Rescued you. I’m only here to keep looking after you for him.”

Another pause and silence.

“Kitty, do you love me like you loved Brother? I’m just as good as an owner.”

If Al couldn’t have Ed, he’d settle for leftovers.

Kitty purred, low at first, but it quickly turned into a growl. “Edward treated me like a human.” Heiderich said plainly but fast.

Al slapped him.

Kitties don’t talk.

XXX

“I wish you were real!” Al cried out, sniffling into the now wet fur of his pet. The cat’s breathing was surprisingly calm, but his expression blank, lifeless. No response whatsoever to the words that poured from Al’s mouth.

“If you were real, like me, then we could talk! You could tell me about Brother!” At the mention of Ed, his cries choked in his throat and came out strangled and pitiful into the night air.

“Talk to me Kitty! I love you too!”

Kitty just lay there, no purr, no hiss, no growl or shriek of indignity.

“Kitty, please, I look just like Brother.”

Except Al was just pining for attention. Dead men can’t give attention and leftovers are never as good as the original.

XXX

It had started out as a kink. But now Al didn’t know how to stop.

Ed x Hei philosophical fanfiction

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 01:48:26 GMT

Title: Sisyphus
Author: esteltinuviel
Pairing: Ed x Heiderich, implied elricest
Rating: PG-13 (language, implied sexuality)
Genre: romance, angst, philosophy
Words: 1550
Spoilers/Warnings: heavy use of philosophy, possibly very slight movie spoilers
Summary: Heiderich ponders over Edward, his behavior, and philosophy, wishing he could fix his broken pieces.

Author's Note: This piece is heavily laced with philosophy, and the title comes from that. I was inspired by my AP Literature and Composition class and the books we had to read.

Oh, and I don't really agree with this philosophy, but it intrigues me. And I actually really enjoyed the books, despite the message.

Sisyphus

Edward hadn’t touched his breakfast.

I watched him stare down at his eggs and sausage with an expressionless face, the same face that scrutinized his morning cup of black coffee and then gulped it down with a shudder.

There was no rush.

His left hand grasped the fork, holding it firmly in his hand—the good one—although he hesitated before spearing a chunk of sausage and guiding it to his mouth. His jaw moved mechanically around the meat, chewing, coating in saliva, and finally swallowing the morsel so it was deposited in his stomach to be eaten in turn by the hydrochloric acid.

He moved on to sample the eggs next, absentmindedly adding salt and pepper as if he did it because that was what one was supposed to do. Salt and pepper on eggs, tomatoes, potatoes, and corn. Ed sighed, took a bite, and swallowed that too. Mechanical. Automatic. Customary.

Ed set his fork down with a small, metallic clank on the wooden table, leaning back in his chair to look around the room. To look around the room. At the kitchen, the cabinets, stare at the small refrigerator, the sink that was piling up with dirty dishes he was too lazy to have done the night before. He looked anywhere but me.

I suppose it was still that painful.

XXX

“I’ll be home in time to cook dinner,” I told him as I pulled on my coat and grabbed my bag full of blueprints. He wasn’t tutoring today: no one was failing chemistry to secure him a job for a few weeks. Well, the semester had just started, so come another month and he’d be plenty busy.

Ed nodded, emptily as if he had heard what I said but it went in one ear and out the other, as the saying goes. I know he heard me though. He just chose to pretend he didn’t, answer emptily, “yeah,” and avoid my gaze as always.

I shut the door with a click, pausing just outside it.

I could hear the scraping of the chair and the click of the metal on the plates.

He always ate all his breakfast, just waited until I was gone to do so.

XXX

My work is both my curse and my joy.

At times I utterly loathe staring at a design all day, taking in the rocket and it’s science, frustrated over the lack of a formula, but at a loss on how to derive one.

However, that is not the curse of my work.

My work… I enjoy nothing—or few things—more than the thrill as the rocket shoots up towards space or the heavens, whatever’s up there beyond the atmosphere and the clouds, bursting forth towards the whirling planets and the asteroids that collide and dissolve.

I’ve only had one rocket actually launch. Did anyone care? Did any paper take notice of my efforts? A professor praised it at the university, but gave me no funding. Hardly the breakthrough I’d hoped for.

I’m running out of time to leave my mark. That is my curse.

XXX

True to my word, I came home for dinner, although I knew I’d return to my work right after I cooked and ate it, just to get that much closer to the discovery, the perfection of my plans, my design, the ideal engine.

Edward was sleeping on the shabby couch, taking up nearly all of it even in his slight frame. One hand was draped over his stomach, exposed as usual. I could tell him he’d catch cold, but he’d always sour in expression and remain silent.

I suppose he used to say that too.

Or I could pull his shirt down, knowing he would wake up from the contact and scowl at that, shove my hand away rather rudely so that I would be hurt and then he would feel bad and come into the bedroom and try and make up for it and I would slap his efforts away because I was damn tired of that.

I sighed and started the pasta.

XXX

“Did you get any new leads today?” I asked as I washed the dishes.

Ed shook his head, flipping through my notes from that day, making corrections. I wish he would stop. I don’t need his genius to take away from my limelight and hard work.

“No,” he murmured. “It’s rather pointless by now anyway.”

I dropped the dish in the sink, glad it was in water and not on the harsh tile floor.
“What?” I spun around. “Why are you suddenly stopping?!” Care laced through my voice, concern.

He merely shrugged; I couldn’t help notice it was another gesture in a series of ambiguous, carefree, yet melancholy gestures Ed seemed to exude as of late.

“Come to bed when you’re done,” he said plainly, not giving me an option I could tell.

I only wished he meant it towards me—I’m tired of being his guilty charade.

XXX

“I had it pressed to my skin, a think trickle of blood running down from where I’d just barely scratched the surface,” he whispered, sitting on the edge of the bed as I leaned on the doorway.

“But just as life is pointless, so too is death.”

“Then what is meaningful in life?” I whispered back, a bit numb from his confession, although I felt anger burning inside me for all he’d put me through. My hands clenched at my sides. My voice came out stiff and cold.

“To live while you can, to live life as best you can even though you know it’s pointless and devoid of meaning.”

Ed was always ahead of his time in science, should his philosophy be any different?

“So are you living then?” I asked, voice still laced with cold condescension, the only emotions I could give for a guy who threw his life around when I was so desperately hanging on to my own.

“No.”

“Then what is this?”

“Dreaming.”

For all my anger and sadness, I couldn’t help cradling my broken lover in my arms.

XXX

I woke up the next morning satiated. Edward lay beside me, bed sheets askew to reveal patched of scarred skin and little dips and places no one but me has seen, or so I hope.

Edward wishes it another way, I’m sure.

My smile faltered a bit at the thought, but I smoothed my hand through his golden hair strewn across his pillow to lighten my spirits.

I’d compare him to Helios, but Edward would remind me belief in a god is pointless and that sooner or later God would be dead—I think he hoped he personally could be the one to kill him—and that the sun was indeed a few billion years old, unlike himself who was a mere 18.

For someone who had fantastic tales of another realm, he sure was a stickler for science.

I sighed.

If only he would let me heal him, fix the little broken parts of his heart and start things on a good path again, one where he wouldn’t worry about the meaning of life or taking his own. One where there were no pretenses, true or false, and I wasn’t forced into someone else’s shadow.

In a few months I’ll be dead, I thought bitterly, just like his dearly beloved. We’ll all rot in hell together.

I regretted my thoughts, even though Edward couldn’t hear them.

I reached over to hold his hand, the artificial one unfeeling in my grasp, but it was closest and not pinned under his body. I could feel the grooves and contours of the rubber. It was cracked in some places, peeling back from the metal. He needed to change it.

But I guess maintenance is pointless as well.

XXX

He kissed me, uncharacteristically, as he woke up next to me.

“Sleep well, Alfonse?” he asked, eyes bright in the morning light. I was dazzled.

“Yeah,” I managed, stunned by his brilliance and later by the realization that my name was spoken as two syllables and not my damned nickname that rolled off his tongue with sickening ease.

I noticed him drop his gaze and pull me into a tight hug.

“I need to start breakfast, Ed.” I told him gently, trying to pry his arms off. It was late. I had work. Didn’t he know that?

He shook his head and wouldn’t let go, hugging me tighter until I gasped and whimpered. He hugged too tight and I couldn’t breathe and let go I don’t have that much longer so please don’t take it from me now!

He relaxed his hold but still hugged me.

I smoothed his hair with a melancholic expression covering my face. If only he would let me fix the broken pieces.

XXX

I often feel like I’m running up a hill only to be crushed by a rock that is pushed to the top and then rolls back down just before it reaches the summit.

Edward pushes a rock up the hill only to have the rock roll back down just before it reaches the summit.

And the action repeats. Again. And again. And again. For all eternity.

XXX

Rockets can’t bring the broken pieces back together.

I caught him studying them anyway.

He was crying.

current events inspired fanfiction

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 02:04:34 GMT

Title: Disorderly Conduct
Author: esteltinuviel
Pairing: one-sided Ed x Roy
Rating: R--NC-17 (heavily implied sexuality)
Genre: angst, one-sided romance, real life issues/current events
Words: 1181
Spoilers/Warnings: CURRENT EVENTS warning!
Summary: Ed is arrested for disorderly conduct.

Author's Note: I'd like to make it clear that Ed is the victim, and I DID take this from the current event of the US Senator from Idaho. I'm always up on my news, but this story has fascinated me. Not because it involved soliciting gay sex in a bathroom, but because the real issue is that it's not okay to be gay and it's not okay to ask for sex in a public venue. There was a wonderful editorial I read about the latter, although I shan't get into it here. If you have no idea what current event I'm talking about, go find it on CNN or Google. Or just read the fic, and know that I read the newspaper too much. I hope you enjoy!

Disorderly Conduct

Edward Elric brushed past the stalls, glistening in a row. He stopped in front of the third stall from the back, peering inside.

He slammed the door closed to the adjoining stall as his heart raced, mind reeling, and his skin tingly from the numb feeling that spread all over him.

He hadn’t expected him to actually come, to fulfil the foolishly childish request that reeked of first loves and first times. He hadn’t planned on what to do when the promise was kept.

Ed fumbled with the buttons on his pants, rushed to unbuckle his belt, and slide the leathery fabric across the slight bulge that tented his blue boxer shorts out. Those, too, slid down his hips with a hiss. He shifted his legs, spreading them a bit in anticipation of the knock, the quiet opening of the unlocked stall door, the entrance and sudden cramped feeling of the enclosed space that would only be replaced by a stifling heat and an experience that would be over all too soon.

And he wanted it all.

He fought the urge to touch himself as he waited, tense and ready, for the knock. His feet slipped further apart in the rubber boots, brushing against the boots of the man next to him. He flushed, but smiled a bit when he noticed the familiar wear spot on the edge of the boot. It identified him, marked him as the one he sought.

Still no knock or even a word.

What was it he had said? Ed wracked his brain, trying to remember what Roy had told him to do, what sign he has asked him to give.

Ed reached down, his right hand, the automail one, slipping under the stall divider. The palm faced up.

“No,” was all Ed breathed as he was pressed against the bathroom wall and arrested.

XXX

His heart had leapt when Roy Mustang cornered him in the men’s bathroom the day before, hot mouth pressed to his with a wet tongue sliding between them.

Ed whimpered, eyes glazed over and his body weak from the tender but heated contact.

Mustang smirked, enjoying a shameless Ed who had probably just experienced his first kiss with a male. He drew his finger over the soft line of Ed’s bottom lip, noticing Ed’s shiver at the coarseness of the fabric as it penetrated his slightly open mouth.

He moved as if to suck, to take the clothed digit in and coat it with his saliva, but felt it draw away.

He wanted more.

Mustang chuckled, only slightly, lest he be caught under the boy’s flaring temper, and pressed his hips against the bony jut of Edward’s. Edward’s eyes, naturally, shot wide at the sensation, but he gasped when he felt the pressure leave.

Mustang pulled away. “Not today.”

“When can I see you?” Cliché, cheesy, romantic, and desperate.

“Tomorrow.” No promises, nothing definite, a vague sense of the word.

“I love you.” So quick to whisper words of love when presented with physical affection.

Mustang hungrily kissed and nipped at Ed’s neck, eliciting a moan the teen fought to suppress as the color rose in his cheeks.

He looked in the mirror after Mustang had left, adjusting his clothing and willing away the pain in his pants. There was a visible mark on his neck, almost like a bruise, but he instinctively knew it could never pass as one.

He’d been marked, but not truly taken.

XXX

The only thought in Edward Elric’s mind was, “this can’t be happening to me” although the situation was painfully real.

It was almost cruel how he had to place his hands on the wall of the bathroom, pants pulled up enough to cover his nude torso but not buckled, as if he shamelessly dropped his pants and spread his legs for any officer who happened to come into the bathroom and pass his hand under the divider.

How was he supposed to know he used the restroom every day in the building’s prime spot for quick and sweaty sex?

How was he supposed to know a tap of the foot meant come hither?

How was he supposed to know that passing his hand under the divider was a call for more than just Roy Mustang to passionately fuck him in the bathroom?

How was he supposed to know Mustang was full of empty promises?

The eyes in the stall had been green, not obsidian. That should have tipped him off.

XXX

Al was one of the few who was sympathetic. Not judgmental. Not pitying. Not disgusted. Not disappointed they didn’t get to mar the pure flesh before the innocence was lost.

At least Al wasn’t empathetic.

“You should have told me, Brother,” he said, his voice hollow and metallic in that shell of a body.

A twinge of guilt as he looked at his brother’s body devoid of sensation, when he himself had shamelessly craved an empty and meaningless contact that held love on only one side. If indeed it was love and not just a crush cursed with hormones in a frustrated and virgin teenager.

“There’s nothing to tell.”

“But you should have told me you’re—“

“I’m not!”

“Brother—“

“I said I’m NOT, Al!”

There was no way Ed could be in love with men if they were all heartless like Roy Mustang.

XXX

The dreams plagued him.

Roy sliding against his bare ass, the sound of his balls slapping his flesh as they moved as one pulsating being.

At times it was tender, on soft, cushy fabric. The fabric of a bed. Roy’s bed—he’d invited him home after dinner.

Other times it was rough, harsh, so much that he ached afterwards and had a hard time walking normally. Al had noticed. But there was something thrilling about having a secret lover.

He always woke up in tears with a stained bed and sticky fingers.

What hurt worse? The realization that he’d rather have been used than tricked.

XXX

Guilty. But innocent.

Gay. But straight.

To leave. To stay.

Wrong. But wrong.

Ed had never felt so conflicted.

When had it become wrong to crave the love of another human being?

XXX

Ed shoved his own hand away.

“No,” he whispered aloud, as if to stop his mind and quell the thoughts that brimmed within the corrupt space and cells.

He curled the offending hand into a fist, gritting his teeth, before examining his surroundings. No feet. No breathing besides his own. No noises or abnormal sights whatsoever.

Alone.

He unclenched his hand and allowed it to steady himself, stroking firmly down the length to run his fingers through the precum glistening at the tip. He shivered at the intense feeling that traveled through his nerves as a shock wave to his head and back down to his groin, only making the organ grow stiffer and betray his emotions.

Coming with a shout, he knew the white had coated his hands again, even though he’d closed his eyes.

Ed made a mental note to call Winry the next day.

first ed x hei fanfiction

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 02:00:21 GMT

EDITED!

Title: Let it Go
Author: esteltinuviel
Pairing: Ed x Hei, implied elricest
Rating: PG-13 (implied sexuality)
Genre: romance, angst
Words: 2382
Spoilers/Warnings: Movie spoilers
Inspiration: Loosely based on 'Lithium' by Evanescence
Author's Note: Slightly AT and we're gonna pretend Hei does NOT have a lung disease
Summary: Edward lives with Hei, struggles with dreams and reality and who it is who really cares

Further Author's Note: When I originally listened to Lithium when the new album dropped last October, I thought, this is Ed x Hei with a side of elricest, but never got around to writing the fic. This is NOT songfic, but the song inspired the story. I had originally decided to make it a lot more angsty, where Ed openly tells Hei he'll sleep with him, but he really loves Al, but this fic ends, I like to think, a little happier. Either way, it's my first Ed x Hei (even if I did through in Ed x Al!) so I hope it goes okay. Thanks for reading!

Let It Go

Tension. It radiated off him, knotted up his muscles, creased the lines in his forehead, made a few golden hairs turn an unpleasant silver all too soon. It contorted his emotions, made everything tense and biting like the icy wind that rippled through the cracks in the walls come November and stay ‘till April. If not cursed with anger, he was greeted by silence pierced with melancholy.

Melancholy.

Perhaps that was the best way to describe things. The droop in his shoulders, the limp and messy ponytail, the lilt in his voice when it turned soft and spoke of distant realms and supposed memories.

Edward Elric was not the type of guy to cry, he looked too tough despite the frailty of his height; although, he sometimes looked as if a good cry would rid him of all the sadness he fought to keep from the world.

Tension and melancholy.

That was the persistent atmosphere that permeated the small apartment, leaving the air stifling.

Heiderich often tried to lighten the atmosphere. “Tell me about that place again. Wasn’t it called Ametris or something?” He laughed, knowing he’d gotten the name all wrong.

“Amestris,” Ed would correct him, the melancholy becoming more prevalent again in his voice of smooth velvet. He turned his head, looking up at the youthful face of Heiderich. Ed had clued in long ago that the man never believed him.

XXX

Edward Elric once remarked he felt like he was living in a dream.

He had been highly talkative when they first met—or literally, collided—and a shocked Ed had been even more shocked when bright, oval, piercing blue eyes had met his gaze and his first thought was that they were the wrong color. Life wasn’t perfect, and this damn well proved he was always striving for what he couldn’t have.

He was living in a dream. Heiderich wished he would wake up.

XXX

It was lonely. He’d never felt so lonely, he wasn’t surrounded by people, but in the same sense he was. Surrounded by people who cared and asked and were all too familiar that it haunted his days and nights and wouldn’t let him rest but plagued him with an aching sense of lonely.

Hughes was too kind, too much of a father he’d never had even when he did have a father who turned out to have contributed more than just sperm and ended up taking care of him when he first landed in this hellhole of a place. But with another pang, he wished he didn’t have to hear Hughes’s gentle advice to be good that day or stay out of trouble. Hughes was the one who needed to stay out of trouble, or he’d end up like the last, dead, cold, leaving a Gracia behind because he was too noble to be selfish for once in his life and think of himself over others.

Gracia herself was too kind, too much of the mother he still yearned for and briefly thought he might meet in this world. He wished he hadn’t thought that when he did, for he forgot of his own mother, stone cold, killed twice over although the first hadn’t been by his hands. Either way, she new one was a replacement and nothing could replace his mother.

His arm was such a burden in this world.

XXX

Things were as peaceful as they would get, what with the failing economy, inflation, resentment over the treaty, a cramped apartment, and a roommate who was on the edge of breaking his façade.

He almost found himself pining after the man, looking wishfully at him as Edward stared wishfully out the window at who knows what. That was if he was even looking at something real at all, and not lost in one of his day dreams.

In obvious ways Edward was… no, Edward was everything. Everything he wanted, everything he wanted to be, everything he craved in a friend, companion, more and yet he seemed so… out of reach. Unattainable, not for his gender, not for him being Edward, but precisely for him being Edward to his being Alfonse like there was an invisible barrier Ed had erected to keep them close but far apart enough that it ached and burned in his heart when he thought about it.

Pushed away, silently, without a word, without a gesture. No, I can’t, his body language seemed to say. But why? The question would linger. Ed never answered it, Heiderich wouldn’t believe his answer: he knew Ed would have some excuse from “his” world.

Heiderich would have found it easier to deal with if he hadn’t cared so much.

XXX

Conflicted was an understatement. A far understatement in the style of the English literature the Victorians were so fond of. The kind that was supposed to be funny back then but now read more serious. Ed had never understood literature like that, but he felt like a character in some far off romance, only the romance was precisely what was missing.

He couldn’t decide if he wanted leave the romance, damn himself, or take the romance, damn it all.

Damned either way.

XXX

One would have thought he’d been abused, and he very well might have: Ed would always flare up at the mention of his father, but Heiderich doubted something like that had really gone on.

Still, the way the guy clung to touch, to contact, even to a genuine smile, was perplexing. Edward was so cold, brash, and rude it seemed out of character for him to snuggle up to the warm body beside him in bed when the weather got too cold for them to sleep alone.

Heiderich had suggested it, more out of necessity and a desire to scrimp on heating—or lack thereof—and had been in no way suggesting anything past that, but Ed had wrapped his arms around his waist and silently brushed his lips across Heiderich’s neck in a silent plea, prayer, motion that he never figured out.

He wasn’t sure if it was an invitation, but Ed relaxed and let him. Heiderich was too embarrassed to offer more than a heated kiss.

Ed didn’t kiss back.

XXX

Edward never spoke of his family. Or he at least tried not to, avoided the topic, danced around the question, buckled, gave in, and gave the tiniest bit of knowledge that whet the tongue but never satisfied the curiosity of his roommate.

Touchy subject.

He whisperings of siblings, no, a sibling, the other a close friend, Ed had to remind even himself, although Al would have done just the same thing.

He shut his thoughts about then. Turned off his brain, numb, cold, wrenched his thoughts away as if he was forcibly tearing himself away.

It was hard to tear away from what’s not there.

XXX

He figured it out. It was easy enough. Simple. Shoved in his face and it made sense, but he wished it was a confusing jumble like all the modernist thought was at this time.

Ed hung his head, not ever trying to make up for it. He couldn’t. Not much to say. Hard to apologize for the truth, stark and stabbing as it was.

Heiderich clenched his fists, his nails digging into his palm, just plain hurt laid bare across his body as bare as everything else, hurt to his core. Edward should say something, at least own up to it instead of sitting in awkward, agonizing silence that was worse than a heated argument. He should admit it had never been him, he was jus a reality Ed was running away from to flee to shattered and hopeless dreams.

Heiderich extended his hand to Edward. He’d run, trembling, to the living room and curled up on the couch with only the sheet, shivering in the cold but too ashamed to go back and ask to be given his half of the bed.

Ed took his hand, eyes wide with surprise at his roommate’s calm smile.

He didn’t deserve his disgust.

XXX

Ed had called him Al. No, said. No, not even that. Moaned it, slipped the syllable from his lips as his mind was overpowered with the pleasant throb, the fire that spread and wouldn’t stop, the painful but whole, complete, full feeling that enlivened him for the first time in a year.

Then it all came crashing down.

A nickname? No.

Ed had a brother named Al.

XXX

Edward said nothing. For three weeks. He nodded his head to everything, agreed with whatever Heiderich wanted. Never asked for anything special or different, just went with whatever they did, ate, saw, with a distant look in his eyes.

In voicing his desire, he’d realized his dream had always been just that.

XXX

Mourning. That was what Heiderich settled on Ed’s actions being. Whether it was from unrequited love or not, he had no idea nor any wish to ponder, think, spend time on that issue, but he watched Ed go through the motions as if he himself was the dead. His hair seemed duller, his face more haggard, the absence of even his melancholy voice was painful to not hear.

Ed’s soul had died, taking a little of Heiderich’s with it.

XXX

To say he wanted to die would be incorrect. Edward Elric explicitly did not want to die. He was too attached to the human world, life, the things it held, and he didn’t want to even remotely think of having someone deal with his death again.

Dying once had really been enough.

He wanted to leave… Just walk out the door and never come back. Leave this world and its false illusions, teasing faces, off color, militaristic ways. He wanted to go away, find somewhere new, anywhere was better than this but anywhere was never as good as there.

There.

Ed was beginning to think he could never go back.

XXX

Why did he bother? He angrily slammed his fist on the counter, a rare outburst of anger coming from the usually passive and pacifistic Heiderich. Why did he care so much he got himself worked up about everything when it wasn’t his fault he had a sinner for a roommate, a sinner for a friend, and a sinner for the guy he’d fallen for too hard, too fast, and the exact thing he didn’t need to clutter his thoughts and toy with his heart.

He was on the point of breaking. Just breaking, leaving the pieces, taking what he could scrape together, and leaving. Leaving it all behind for the guy to deal with his own pathetic mess and the sin he kept festering in his heart.

Broken. Imperfect. Those were the parts he longed to mend, fix with a little love, guidance, whispered words of forgiveness. He was seeking forgiveness too, in the arms of a blonde little angel who was too broken to flare up at a tease about his height, too broken to talk, express himself if he even knew how at this point.

But it was the broken, fractured pieces of Edward he loved most.

Heiderich went right back to cooking the sausage.

XXX

“I want…” Ed began, speaking for the first time in a month. Heiderich was startled, more so by Ed’s presence in what had returned to being “his” bed, than by his roommate’s sudden advent of speech.

Ed paused, clearly thinking over what to say, to perfect the words that felt strange on his tongue, make them right so they wouldn’t be wrong. “I want…” he began again, but stopped when he felt the warmth of Heiderich’s hand encase his real one. Heiderich’s gaze was steady under his blush that gave his face a pleasant rosy glow and made Ed smile warmly and forget for just a second all the pain in his soul.

This time, it was Ed who pushed him onto the bed and lavished praise.

XXX

Heiderich’s hair was too blonde. Platinum, not bronze. His eyes were sapphire, not copper. He blushed while Al squeaked. He was nervous, timid, while Al was meek but brash. He was soft spoken while Al was quick to flare or cry after a period of simmering.

Heiderich really wasn’t like Ed’s brother after all.

XXX

Heiderich felt good the next morning. Better than he’d thought, more than he’d hoped, but just right in perspective of all those things.

He shifted in the bed, turning over on his side, taking care to not wake the sleeping Ed who had curled around him, just close enough so that he could remember the absence of clothes on his body.

He was greeted with a sleeping Ed, snoring rather loudly, arms splayed out in a sloppy fashion. The image was humorous, a tad annoying at how Ed had once again slept with his stomach out, but Heiderich was at ease.

It was reassuring to wake up and find Ed still there.

XXX

In giving up one, Ed had gained another. Equivalent Exchange, just like he always repeated to the point of monotony and rhetoric and disbelief at times when the principal really did seem fake.

Reality.

XXX

They fanned out, golden, from the large brown center, stretching towards the sun. The leafy green and thick, fuzzy stems supported the large heads, weeping pollen on the table. They were gathered, bright and shining, in a vase, perhaps borrowed from Gracia downstairs, where he suspected Ed had bought them.

Sunflowers.

Such a luxury—extravagant even—on their budget, although Heiderich knew, somehow when he looked at the smiling flower, that it was just Ed’s money that had funded the present.

“I-I… love—“ Ed couldn’t even get it out, just rushing at Heiderich to clutch at his shirt, burying his face in his chest and sob.

Sob.

Edward Elric was finally crying over something, over nothing, over everything.

Heiderich held him, smoothing his hands through Ed’s hair and down his back in comfort, letting the man get it out like he so desperately needed.

“I love you too, Ed,” Heiderich said at length, once Ed’s sobs had stopped, his tears had been kissed away, the tremors wracked from the body.

Edward always had a hard time expressing his feelings, but when he did, he always got the message across.

FMA fanfiction

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 01:57:28 GMT

Title: Virus
Author: esteltinuviel
Pairing: Ed x military (implied: Ed x Roy, Ed x Grand, Ed x Hakuro, Ed x Bradley, Ed x Kimbley)
Genre: romance (dub con and non con), drama, angst
Rating: R (for heavily alluded to sexuality) and very mature issues
Words: 1801
Spoilers/Warnings: non con, dub con, implied bondage, loose morals, real life issues (STDS)
Summary: There's one way to get what you need in the military, Ed learns: spread your legs.

Author's Note: I hope I don't offend anyone in this fic, I'm not trying to, however the issue presented in this story is very real and I feel that it has been left out of fandom although it's a very real threat. Moral: use a condom, have safe sex, and get checked! [/informative]

Virus

MONDAY, 8:26 a.m.

Edward Elric reported in as always to work that morning, complaining about the Monday, although his complaints were drowned out in the larger sea of complaints by his surrounding military officers.

A puff of smoke. The click of a gun. The dog whined. The door clicked.

Edward shut the door behind him and locked it as he was always instructed to do, even though he knew none of the subordinates would dare try and enter. He nodded at the raven-haired officer seated behind the desk, looking away when he saw that same characteristic smirk that never seemed to leave, plastered across his face.

A rustle of clothing. The clank of a metal buckle against the floor. Wet. Hot. Slick. Thrust. Take. Jab. Conquer. Finish.

Ed covered his face with his hand, waiting until the man had gone out as he always did, so he could dress in private, even if it was a small gesture to preserve the shred of modesty he desperately held on to like a fool.

Surely it was foolish to continue on, go on to the next meeting, task, mission, as if nothing had ever happened to tear him from innocence.

TUESDAY 12:01 p.m.

Edward sat, hands in his lap, watching as the man stuffed himself greedily with the rest of his lunch. Bits caught in his mustache, which the man licked with a greedy eye, watching Edward all the while. He offered his fingers up for the boy.

Swirl. Envelope. Coat. Wet the digit thoroughly.

He bent over, showing submission, but then deepened the sentiment by willingly spreading his legs so that everything desired was clearly visible. It pleased the man, enough for Ed to notice the hardened flesh press against his sensitive skin just as greedily as the tanned man had engulfed his lunch.

Press. Shove. Crevice. Hit. Merciless. Relentless. Throb.

He bit back his sob, ashamed to be reduced to such a weak reaction to something he knew he could handle, had handled, and knew he would handle for longer than perhaps he wished but would do it all the same. He tasted the copper from his lips, letting that be his satisfaction and not the fluid seeping between his legs that made him feel disgusted with his own body worse than the artificial limbs ever could.

With each drip of the milky substance on the floor, he seemed to lose a little bit of himself.

WEDNESDAY 2:41 p.m.

He lay on the desk, as relaxed as he could, waiting calmly for the man to finish his paperwork, even though Ed wondered how it was possible to work around him, even when he was presented like a present, just waiting to be opened. Except Ed had already been open and the wrapping paper taken off.

The scrape of a chair. The slight sound of a zipper being undone. Instructions. Calm, cold, blatant.

He rolled over on his stomach, doing as he was told, even though his eyes were squeezed tight. The protruding organ in his face did not require much sight; he done it enough to know what was desired.

Suck. Kiss. Tease. Smother. Use the teeth, but only just enough to send a shock of pleasure. Hold it in. Swallow.

He wanted to retch, throw it all up, spit it out, do anything but swallow the bitter and salty liquid that looked like milk but was way worse than cow secretion, even to the milk-hating alchemist. Yet he swallowed, even going out of his way to lick the rest of his fingers, making a show of the act. The man chuckled and returned to his paperwork, shooing Edward out the door as if he was a pleasurable nuisance he was forced to deal with once a week.

THURSDAY 6:02 p.m.

He was grabbed, roughly and shoved into the nearest room, the door hastily locked, before he was pressed against the wall, still standing. The man cupped his ass, whispering deaths threats in his ear, all of which colored his mind with brilliant images of red and orange flames engulfing his body. It would be easy to just end it all like that, struggle, and be no more than a boom that would bring the man as much pleasure as the act he was about to engage in.

Tear. Slide. Sweaty friction. Grope in a way that bordered molestation. Pinch.

Ed had to hook his legs around the man to prevent himself from falling down; he was displeased to know he had to be close to the man at this position, this angle, which would clearly make his body betray his want for contact even if it was of dubious consent and something no person his age should ever be forced to go through.

Fire. Press. Find. Abuse. Assault. Exploit the sounds his body made. Tug.

The man kissed his neck, slick with sweat, and then left him with a curious grin on his face that spoke of “next times” and “tomorrows” that he wished he could escape but knew would be marked on his mental calendar as another day to dread. He pulled his pants back up, straightened his shirt, and repaired the tears in his clothing, finally leaving headquarters.

FRIDAY 9:37 p.m.

Monday and Friday were alike and yet unlike. Monday was cold yet sleepy, just a bitch of a chore that he did and then got on with the day, although it woke him up nonetheless. Friday was surprisingly tender and borderline romantic, although it was smothering and insincere.

Warmth. Candles. Maybe a whispered phrase of endearment. More truthfully words of lust.

He would actually spend the night, being granted for one of the few times, sleep after the act, wrapped in sheets that stank of what other people had also done, faint smells of women and men, other partners perhaps more willing to go home for coffee after an expensive dinner of which they ate less than half.

Kiss. Lust. Hold. Melt. Meld. Become more than just that selfish one inside.

He rolled over, pulling the sheets close around him so he would feel protected and less vulnerable than usual when he was out in the open, daylight, where everything was visible. There was a wet spot in the middle of the bed, but the man made no attempt to clean it, which Ed cursed him for, as he was forced to sleep in it, a cruel paradox to the tenderness he’d been shown.

Love?

Edward was the only one who wished there had been love.

SATURDAY 3:12 a.m.

He found himself wishing for the loveless union of the previous night, no matter how suffocating the attention was, anything was preferable to the relentless attention that at the same time was not enough attention that his overlord, the supreme commander, teased him like with a carrot in front of his face.

Swish. Tighten. Loosen. Hard. Soft. Ever changing the sensation.

Saturday was always the most creative night of his week, where he often assumed different roles, contorted to odd shapes, or just was subject to experimentation in the room, alternate positions and anything imaginable to the man who held him captive for the night.

Pain. Stinging. Relief, yet the harsh relief that still wasn’t true relief.

Dive. Dive. Dive.

Rivulets of blood ran down his legs, tickling ever so slightly so he jerked and whimpered and shamelessly displayed his emotions because any pride he had left had been stole by the prideful bastard who had him under his beck and call. Sheathed, collared, a true dog of the military now, tied straight to the bedpost should he ever think of escape.

Round Two? Round Three? Ed lost count after Round One.

SUNDAY 10:00 a.m.

Sunday was the ritual, prompt, never a second early, never a second late.

Ed always hoped for Monday and Friday, even if he was a bastard of a man. Tuesday was painful, too large all around. Saturday was literally torture, even if it was of the supposed pleasurable kind. Even Thursday would be nice, he was quick, got it over with although Ed knew the guests never liked a short show. It was always drawn out, but an exact one-hour and a half, although each millisecond felt like a millennium in hell. Hell didn’t even hurt as much, and the fires didn’t burn as much as the blush on his face, the one that stayed constantly put as whoever the man was put on the show with Ed as the star.

Sunday was the sickest day of them all. Sunday was Church.

SUNDAY 5:30 p.m.

Brother, is that you? Alphonse Elric asked, turning his metal head around to look at the door.

Edward entered, watching the floor, his arms full of a folder with several papers neatly arranged inside. I’m back… he answered, because saying I’m home had always felt wrong in his throat.

What did the military want? Al always asked that question, as if he would get a different answer, as if he would get any answer at all.

Just some crap, nothing more than military crap like they always have for me, he complained to Al, letting just a little bit of his bitterness seep through. It dulled his pain, healed his heart just a bit, to be able to inject even a fraction of his outcry against the injustice.

But he was shook up, limping from the week, even though each week he was back was the same as this one had been.

Are you sure you’re okay? He was suspicious; Ed tensed, Al had caught on to something.

Yeah, I’m fine. I got a new lead on the Stone! He tried to sound cheerful, project some happiness into his life. Cover the tracks. Cover. Cover. Cover. Lie. Lie. Lie.

What are those papers?

Nothing.

Come on, Brother, let me see. Please? Let me in.

A pang of guilt, covered up yet again. No.

Al tried to reach for them, tried to grab the papers. Ed stepped out of the way, but Al latched on. Ed threw his grip off, sending the papers scattering.

Pamphlets. STD pamphlets. Safe Sex. Rape. How to Cope. The Emotional Sides to Sex. Abused? Get Help. AIDS. Think You Have an STD? Get Tested.

The military had apparently never heard of condoms.

Brother?

Ed turned away, bending with a hiss at the pain from his lower end, to pick up the papers. Can’t cover it now. Can’t lie forever.

It’s just a typical week in an atypical military, Al.

What do you mean?

I’ve got the virus. Test results came back.

When did you get tested?

When half the military fucked me.

Silence then Al spoke.

The virus?

The big one.

Oh.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Me too, Al.

The truth comes out eventually.

more "Sunshine" drabbles and oneshots

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 01:46:11 GMT

Title: "In the Summer Heat" a drabble to go in my collection, "Sunshine"
Author: esteltinuviel
Pairing: elricest (EdxAl)
Rating: PG-13 but overall the series is R (for lots of implied sexuality)
Genre: romance/humor
Words: 361
Spoilers/Warnings: slightly AU, Al's got a body, and implied sexuality
Author's Note: inspired by the heat down South in the summer
Summary:

In the Summer Heat

Edward Elric blinked. Twice. “Al?” he called.

Alphonse stuck his head out from the kitchen. “What is it, Brother?” he replied.

Ed flushed, the heat of the summer only worsening the crimson color to his face. “Please tell me you did not just walk past me naked.” Just moments ago Ed had looked up from where he was reading on the couch, just in time to see a blur of peach dart past into the kitchen. They had both abandoned shirt and shorts, preferring to stay in boxers due to the sweltering heat. Past that, Ed has thought Al would be too modest to walk around naked.

Al walked out from the kitchen, a light sheen of sweat visible on his skin; sure enough he was naked. “So?” he seemed perfectly at ease in that state of undress. “I was hot.” He took a seat on the wooden floor, feeling it momentarily cool his skin. In a few minutes, his body heat would make the effect wear off and he would have to switch to a new spot. Of course, in order to get the maximum coolness and maximum relief, Al had splayed his legs.

There was a reason Edward Elric had decided to keep his boxers on. Not because he enjoyed torturing himself with all that pent up heat to a sensitive area, but because two seconds after shedding all clothing he and Al would be wrapped in an even more heated tangle. And Alphonse was looking dangerously sexy in that position…

“It feels good,” Al commented, breaking Ed from his heat-induced haze.

“What?!” Ed exclaimed, his expression clearly betraying his thoughts.

Al smirked and decided to lie on the floor so his whole body could feel cooler. Ed blushed when Al spread his legs further; that act was not just for relief. “Go ahead,” Al told him.

“Go ahead and what?” Ed tried to cover the fact that he knew exactly what Al was talking about.

Al bent his legs at the knee. “You know…” His hand trailed down his own stomach and face now wore a positively mischievous expression.

That’s when Ed jumped him.

Title: "Hot Flash" a drabble to go in my collection, "Sunshine"
Author: esteltinuviel
Pairing: elricest (EdxAl)
Rating: PG-13 but overall the series is R (for lots of implied sexuality)
Genre: romance/humor
Words: 434
Spoilers/Warnings: slightly AU, Al's got a body, and implied sexuality
Author's Note: again, inspired by me living in the South; trying to sleep in the summer is awful
Summary:

Hot Flash

Edward shifted uncomfortably in the bed, tossing and turning to find a cool spot among the thin sheets. Despite the fact that he was in just his boxers and only had a sheet to cover him, Ed was burning up.

“Quit flopping around like a fish,” Alphonse muttered groggily next to him.

“Did I wake you up?” Ed inquired, rolling over to face him.

Al rolled his eyes, now open, albeit, slightly droopy. “No, I’m still asleep.” Being woken up and now subject to the sweltering heat had made him irritable. He sighed. “Pull the sheet down if you’re hot.” Al rolled back over, finding his own new cool spot and smiled contently.

Ed threw the sheets down to the end of the bed, feeling an instant relief as cool air blew across his skin… only to be followed by the repressive, stagnant, hot air. He lay still for a few seconds and then grew restless again. Ed rolled over to face the wall and then back over, pausing to lie on his back for a moment. Al groaned, awakening just as he had started to fall asleep again.

“It’s too damn hot!” Ed exclaimed, frustrated that no matter what he did, he was still uncomfortable.

“Just try and go to sleep, Brother,” Al told him although he couldn’t ignore the heat either.

Ed wiggled for a moment as if unsure of the idea or troubled by something and then tossed a pile to the floor. Al flipped over. “Those weren’t your boxers, Brother—“ The ‘were they?’ got cut off by a little squeak from Al when he realized the flying blue blur had indeed been Ed’s underwear. His brother’s naked body was proof enough.

Ed sighed in content, finally relieved. “…does it feel better?” Al ventured after a short silence, hoping Ed couldn’t see his faint blush.

“Yes!” Ed smiled, more of a smirk; it was strangely liberating to by lying in bed with no sheets, completely naked. Al blushed deeper when he realized Ed was enjoying it. But the heat was bothersome…

Al’s boxers quickly joined Ed’s in the pile at the foot of the bed. “Feel’s good, doesn’t it?” Ed looked over at him out of the corner of his eye.

“Yes,” Al breathed, feeling exhilarated. “And suddenly I don’t mind the heat!”

Title: "The Faerie King" a short oneshot to go in my collection, "Sunshine"
Author: esteltinuviel
Pairing: elricest (EdxAl)
Rating: PG-13 but overall the series is R (for lots of implied sexuality)
Genre: romance/humor
Words: 901
Spoilers/Warnings: slightly AU, Al's got a body, and implied sexuality
Author's Note: inspired by the doujinshi "Clover"
Summary:

The Faërie King

“Hey, Brother!” Al called ahead to Edward as he jogged to keep up with his brother’s fast walking pace. “Wait up!”

Ed turned around and stopped to wait for him. “Ah, come on, Al, I gave you the lighter cooler anyway!” he complained. In one hand he held a cooler full of sandwiches and fruit and the other carried a picnic blanket so they wouldn’t get grass stains on their shorts. Al carried the drinks and napkins.

“I’m coming!” Al ran the last few feet and joined Ed on the grass by the side of the road. Ed refrained from muttering, “Finally,” knowing Al would still have enough energy to hit him. He shifted the blanket to the crook of his other arm, using his free hand to link with Al’s.

Together, they walked down the slight decline to the grassy riverbank. “I love spring,” Al breathed in the deep scent of clover with a smile and set his cooler beneath the lone tree. Its leafy branches sprawled up and out, providing a cooling patch of shade in which to eat. Ed laid down the blanket and then flopped on the ground. Al sat down, somewhat more gracefully, beside him.

“Don’t you love spring, Brother?” Alphonse inquired, climbing to sit in Ed’s lap.

Ed wrapped his arms around Al’s waist, grimacing. “Yeah, it’s the two weeks before it gets hot and my automail fries,” he replied sarcastically.

Al rolled his eyes. “You know you like it.” He poked him in the chest. “You were the one who suggested this anyway.”

“Like you weren’t thinking it, too?”

“I—I—so what if I was?!” Al could feel a blush creeping up; he had been thinking about a springtime picnic with Ed.

Ed just brushed it aside; there were more important things to worry about. “Can we eat now?”

Al groaned. “Can’t you think about anything other than food?”

“Sex.” Typical Ed: blunt as always.

“Brother!” So Ed got punched in the arm after all.

XXX

Al finished packing away the tupper wear and turned to look at Ed. He was asleep already and napping with his stomach out. Al shook his head, whispering, “You’ll never change, will you, Brother?”

“Mm, that’s nice, Al.” Ed mumbled in his sleep, curling in to the touch as he shifted to lay on his side. Despite knowing Ed couldn’t see it, Al blushed. He stood up to move, but Ed held on to his hand and pulled him back down. “Stay…” Al couldn’t tell if he was still asleep of not, but he allowed Ed to wrap his arms around him.

Nothing like a nap after lunch.

XXX

Ed awoke sometime later to find Al’s bright silver eyes gazing back at him, two inches away. He nearly jumped in surprise. “Geez, Al!” he rolled over on his back, breathing heavily. “You trying to give me a heat attack?”

“Hm?” Al smirked and curled up under his arm.

“I wake up and find ‘Saucer Eyes’ staring at me.”

Al laughed at Ed’s comment. His eyes followed a butterfly as it flit across the sky, flying down to skim the tops of the clover. Suddenly, Al had an idea. He sat up and started to pick the blossoms, leaving the long stems dangling. Ed sat up next to him curious. He watched as Al began to tie each stem just under the flower of another. A few times, Al tied the knot too tight and the stem broke; he just reached for another until he had connected the chain in a circle.

“What’s that?” Ed asked.

“A crown!” Al giggled and placed the floral crown on top of his brother’s head. Ed blushed a bright pink, evidently embarrassed.

“I don’t really—“ he stammered but Al silenced him.

“You look like a Faërie King Brother,” he smiled. “Your hair is just the right shade of gold—it matches your eyes—and I love the way the light makes it shine. And your face is beautiful too.” Al specifically chose not to comment on Ed’s “faërie stature”: “petite” never went over well with him.

Ed blinked, and then began to make Al his own crown, weaving in a few stray violets to garnish the simple white clover. “Brother, I don’t really need one,” Al tried to protest, now blushing himself.

“If I’m a Faërie King, you’re my king, too!” Ed replied with a light smile on his lips.

Al kissed him long and deep.

XXX

“I love you, Brother,” Al said as they walked back home, hand in hand. The sun had begun to set, letting them know it was getting late.

“I love you, too, Al,” Ed smiled at him. “My Faërie King!” Indeed the golden light had given them both an ethereal, otherworldly glow.

Al laughed. “You’re never going to let me live that down, will you?”

“Nope!” Ed smirked, “I like it!” He gestured to the clover crown on his head, and then to Al’s violet and clover one.

“We should hang these up to dry when we get home.” Al could see their house in the distance and he could already imagine sinking into their bed, too tired to even make dinner. “So we can save them.”

“Mm-hm,” Ed nodded, giving his hand a light squeeze.

“…thanks,” Al whispered after a few minutes.

“You’re welcome.” Ed’s smile couldn’t get any bigger. “Anything for my Faërie King.”

oneshot fanfiction

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 01:05:17 GMT

Title: Exploring
Author: esteltinuviel
Pairing: elricest
Genre: romance
Rating: R for [implied and hinted] sexuality
Word Count: 1124
Spoilers/Warnings: implied sexuality... exploring of a body
Summary:

Author's Note: On fanfiction.net this oneshot is part of a collection of fics, rated M for implied sexuality, that are all going to have spring/summer themes. Those are all based around the quote from velvet_mace in "PETS", "Sex with Al was like sunshine in the morning: something luxurious and pleasant and comfortable to look forward to." So the title for the collection is "Sunshine." I hope you enjoy reading this.

Exploring

“Mmm, Brother?” Alphonse asked, propped up on one arm under the sheets tangled around both their forms.

“Hm?” Edward rolled over to face him, his bright golden eyes locking with Al’s silver ones.

Al blushed a bright tinge of pink under the gentle intensity of that gaze. “I-I… can I touch you, Brother?” He was now a shade of darker pink, instantly embarrassed.

Ed smiled, his eyes knowing. “Of course you can Al—I’ve said you never have to ask.” He reached over and traced the line of Al’s jaw with his flesh hand. Al shuddered slightly at the sensation but relaxed when he felt his brother’s lips brush across his own.

Ed understood when Al had the sudden need to touch and feel. He would do nothing to stop him, never for once wishing to deprive Al of the sense he’d lost for four years. So when Al had these desires, he indulged him, and not just for Al’s sake. Both enjoyed the touches, sexual and emotional all at once. For it was the same feeling, the same need that both had to feel the other, as if by that feeling alone their existences were proven.

Alphonse silently rolled Ed over onto his back, shoving the sheets down to the foot of the bed. He straddled his waist, causing Ed to tense up momentarily and then relax after a deep breath. Al hesitated, but Ed nodded to let him know it was okay.

Thus, the exploration began. Al’s hands wandered all across his upper body as if discovering uncharted territory. Yet Al knew the crevices of Ed’s skin, the scars, every little piece he knew from experience. Exploring, making love, either way his hands knew Ed’s skin like it was his own. In a sense it was his, since Edward so selflessly gave everything to Al.

His fingers traced a line down Ed’s neck, dancing across his collarbone. Al frowned as always when he saw the numerous scars that blemished Ed’s body.

“I’m not perfect Al,” Ed had told him, “And I don’t claim to be.” His own eyes had lingered on the automail that replaced two of his limbs.

“You’re perfect, Brother, I think you are,” Al had replied, kissing the automail. In time they had both come to accept their own imperfection although they each still believed in the perfection of the other.

Edward refrained from touching Al: it would disrupt the exercise, ruining the point. His eyes guided Al on, however, speaking the unspoken phrase with each caress of Al’s hand. And Al had no need to even acknowledge it, hear it, at this point, for it was always there, those three little words which spokes the true depths of their affection.

Al shifted down, now resting more of his weight on Ed’s legs. The cold sting of the automail troubled him little; in fact, it was a comfort against his heated skin, a relief, and a subtle reminder.

As his hands glided down Ed’s chest, swirling around a nipple, a slight moan rose in the back of Ed’s throat. His tone resembled that of a cat’s purr, soft but audible and all the while filled with pleasure. Indeed, Ed had relaxed further into the sheets, lightly gripping them.

Al moved to sit in between Ed’s legs, which he spread lightly apart. His hands traveled all down the muscles of his right leg and felt the smooth metal of his left. The scars, just above his port, were rough, a sharp contrast to the automail. Again, he willed himself not to be consumed by the guilt at the sight of his brother’s artificial limbs. Instead, he smiled genuinely when his light touches to the bottom of Ed’s flesh foot made a laugh rise up in Ed’s throat.

“That tickles,” Ed breathed, but did not seem to dislike it. Al’s smile broadened and he ventured to continue but stopped after a few minutes. He had successfully explored his upper body and legs. They both knew what Al had saved for last; he always did, like a child waiting to eat his desert last. Saving the sweetness.

In compliance, Ed bent his legs at the knee, revealing the last territory to be explored. His face was flushed, a rare moment in which Edward Elric was utterly defenseless. Alphonse’s hand snuck up the inside of Ed’s thigh. His other trailed its way down from Ed’s navel, feeling the dark golden curls twine around his fingers. He gently cupped him from the bottom, squeezing and moving his hand. His hands moved all around, sparing no free inch of flesh. All of it was relinquished under his touch to be claimed and loved, carefully cared for.

At the onset of the deep moans his ministrations excited, Al slacked off in his touches. Anymore and what he truly desired would be gone, finished, released in an instant. Beyond that, Al could sense the familiar warmth spreading in his own abdomen.

“Brother…” As much as Alphonse loved feeling through his own touch, he lived for when Ed reassumed his control and it was he who gave in to the gentle caress. Most of all, he absolutely existed for the heaven they always found together.

“Brother, I want you inside me,” he whispered, faintly blushing, lip quivering. There was a certain innocence in the way Al said that, asked for something so blatantly not innocent. Only Al could maintain that innocence when he had already lost it so long ago.

In one quick moment, Ed had Al pinned under him, raining kisses all over his skin and face. “I love you,” Ed replied, now voicing that truth. Now they could say it, the justification, perhaps, for their love.

“I love you too,” Al reassured him, brushing his lips across Ed’s shoulder before leaning up to meet him in a kiss.

XXX

Sunlight poured in through the window. Al’s breathing had finally calmed at the hand of Ed’s gentle back rub. They lay pressed together, tangled in the sheets and each other.

Ed smiled contently with his arms wrapped around Alphonse, humming softly in the back of his throat. Al’s eyes were dropping, hazy in their afterglow. In a few minutes he would drift off to sleep, followed soon after, if not before, by Edward. Ed’s hand sought out Al’s beneath the sheets, clasping it once found; a hand that could touch and feel and know sensation.

Exactly when feeling had turned to exploring, neither knew. Just as the difference between brother and lover had become blurred, now indistinguishable and unimaginable, so too had love and feeling. Feeling was love, love was feeling.

And nothing felt better to Ed and Al than making love in the morning sunshine.

pairings at AH

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 17:53:41 GMT

Notes and Warnings for AH

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 17:34:11 GMT

Notes and Warnings

*If you do not wish to give your email over livejournal, go to esteltinuviel, find my email and then email me with your address. Feel free to contact me at any time, and don't worry about sounding like a "n00b" to lj or rps--I am incredibly nice and flexible when it comes to this stuff. I don't want to get flamed, so I don't flame!

*no OC (original characters) may be used in roleplay; similarly, movie only characters or movie version characters or spoilers are allowed

*if you don't like yaoi, yuri, and/or elricest, this rp comm is NOT for you

*if you are not comfortable with mature language and situations, this rp comm is NOT for you

*be respectful towards other role-players

AH AIM rules

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 17:16:51 GMT

Amestris High now requires AIM as a feature of this role-play.

Role-players must get an AIM account for their character. Please go here to input the AIM username you have created for your character. It is preferred that you choose a username similar to your livejournal username (for example, using the teacher/student then name combination). However, if you have to add on numbers or change the order, that is acceptable. Just keep the name recognizeable for the other role-players to recognize.

Just as AH requires you to post to your livejournal at least once every two weeks, AH requires that you be on AIM at least once a week. AH will frequently hold parties or events on AIM, usually on a Friday or Saturday night, so these are always times when you can be on. If you will be absent for a week, please clear this ahead of time with a moderator. If you miss a week, the moderators will note that, and you will be asked to make it up. Either post more on your livejournal or be available on AIM more than that once a week.

Once you start role-playing on AIM, you'll see how much fun it is. The parties at AH have quite a reputation, and AIM makes starting a pairing more convenient.

how to apply to AH

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 15:52:16 GMT

How to apply

Comment on the playable characters entry and include the following:

Name/Username:
Email:
Gender:
Relative Age (are you in grade school, middle school, high school, college, or have graduated from all schools):
Do you have a problem with yaoi, yuri, incest and/or gay marriage? (a simple yes or no will do):
Can you get AIM for your character?
Which other FMA related communities you are a member of:
How many episodes of FMA have you seen? Have you seen the FMA movie?
Character you wish to play:
Why you wish to play this character:

background ID cards for Amestris High

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 01:33:52 GMT

Feel free to save these and put them on your character's user info page.

Not all characters are represented because I am still in the process of making these, but Ed and Al have cards along with characters we need or some that we already have.

click here to view all of them and then click on your specific character's to view larger

The AH Definition of a Homunculus:
What is a Homunclus? [warning: spoilers for those who have not seen the anime]

fanfiction--FMA and elricest

Sat, 07 Oct 2006 02:15:28 GMT

Title: “Frozen Lemonade” part three of “Lemonade”
Author: esteltinuviel beta whatshername209
Type of work: fanfiction
Pairing: EdxAl (elricest)
Genre: romance/angst
Rating: PG-13 (the overall series is rated R)
Words: 2490
Warnings: ELRICEST AND YAOI. Don't like don't read. Some angst and fluff...I guess, but no spoilers other than for other parts of my series
Summary:

Dedicated to my lj friend and lovely mod ssjkawaiitenshi

Frozen Lemonade

Alphonse Elric awoke to the sound of birds chirping in the pear tree outside his window, curled up against his brother, Edward Elric’s side. He stretched, sore from sleeping in such a tight position. He had used Ed’s head as a pillow, and could now say it was actually quite comfortable, for a while, at least. He again drew his legs close to his bare body. Al turned his head, looking sideways at Ed, who was still sound asleep, his body moving in time with each breath. Alphonse watched this rhythmic exercise, a slight smile on his lips.

You’re so beautiful when you sleep, Brother, Al mused, his eyes staring at Ed’s own closed lids. You’d be upset if you knew I said this, he chuckled, but you’ve got the face of an angel. Indeed as Al watched him he could invision luminescent wings carrying his brother upwards towards a heaven. Not that Al really did believe in heaven, it was just that the golden sunlight had given Edward a glowing aura. “Too beautiful for words,” Al whispered out loud.

“Mmm, Al...” Ed murmured, stirring from his sleep.

Alphonse jumped up in surprise. “Ed--y-you’re awake!” he stammered, a rosy blush creeping across his face.

Ed’s eyelids flickered, but stayed closed. “I am now that you’ve moved,” he muttered. Al caught the crankiness in his voice, same as always, and it made him smile. Ed opened his eyes, looking up at the form of his brother outlined against the sunshine.

Al laughed at the expression on Ed’s face: he was pouting, his eyes still blinking from the bright light and suddenly not being asleep. “I’ve got to make breakfast, Brother,” he told him.

Ed groaned. “Can’t I do it?” he whined.

“You can’t cook to save your life, Ed,” Al reminded him.

Ed’s hand moved to Al’s arm, gently pulling him back down to lay in the bed. He nuzzled up against his neck, pressing his lips to the smooth skin. “Then stay,” he whispered in his ear.

Al could feel his muscles relax with every passing second. It was growing increasingly hard for him to resist. He sighed, giving in to his brother’s request. “I guess breakfast can wait,” he conceded before sliding down under the warm sheets to meet Ed in a kiss.

XXX

Al stood at the kitchen counter, making breakfast, which had turned out to be more like brunch. He was frying eggs and bacon, one of their favorites. Ed stood next to him, watching the food hungrily while wishing to help in some way.

“Anything I can do?” Ed asked.

Focused on the frying pan, Al responded positively, “I’m good thanks.”

“You sure?” Ed fidgeted. He didn’t like standing around and just waiting for things to happen. Why do nothing when you can do anything?

“Yes, Ed,” Al replied, getting slightly annoyed. “If I wanted your help I’d ask for it,” he muttered under his breath.

Ed silently came up from behind him, bringing his arms around to encircle his younger brother’s form. Al stiffened at the sudden motion, dropping the spatula in the process. “Are you okay, Al?” he breathed in his ear.

No, Al thought, I’m not okay, alright, because I don’t think you’re okay, but he didn’t voice his concerns. Deftly ducking out of his brother’s embrace, Al resumed cooking. Ed tentatively reached out a hand, but Al swatted it away. “Go sit down Brother, or I’ll make you drink milk.” Ed shot him a look at that remark, but returned to the table anyway. Al sighed as he turned the bacon over and placed it on the plate. Now I’ve ruined things.

“Thanks,” Ed muttered as Al served the bacon and eggs before taking his own seat across the table from Ed. Al silently ate his own breakfast, angry at himself for snapping at him. Ed meanwhile, hadn’t touched his food; instead he had his nose buried in the morning newspaper.

“Ed...” Al began.

Ed looked up from his paper, seeing Al staring down at his own plate. His eyes looked full of far off pain. Damn, I hope he’s not mad at something I did, Ed thought, I was kind of, well, selfish, this morning-- he stopped, feeling a rosy blush creep up his face. He laughed when Al looked up at him, seeing his embarrassment and hastily shoved a piece of bacon in his mouth. “Seriously, Al,” he said, mouth full of food, then swallowed. “Are you okay?”

Al looked back down at his plate, his hands nervously clenched in his lap. “You’re not going to like it,” he said.

“Try me,” Ed responded, trying to sound positive. I hate it when he says that--I always start thinking something bad will happen and it makes things worse.

Al was silent, then he spoke softly. “When are we going to tell Winry, Brother?”

Ed let out the air he’d been holding in. He looked away. “You’re right, I don’t like it.”

His younger brother looked up at him expectantly. “You are going to tell her right?”

Ed’s vision was fixated on the pear tree outside. It’s green leaves shown in the vibrance of spring and new life. I wish we could be like that all the time, Ed thought wistfully, and not have to go through this. The sun reflected off the new buds; he saw a bee buzz past, looking for blossoms to pollinate. But there were no blossoms on that tree yet for it had yet to bloom.

“... Right?” Al asked him again, bringing Edward back to reality.

“Not yet,” Ed whispered. It’s too soon--I’m still trying to deal with all that’s happened. it’s been a while, but we’re just now getting used to things, eve if that’s not the real reason...

“But it’s already been a few weeks!” Al protested. It had been a while since the event that had since been labeled “the Lemonade Incident” although it did turn out okay. More than okay, Al remembered. That had been when Ed first kissed him, sitting in the same spot, at the same table, in the same kitchen. Then why was now so different?

Ed wouldn’t look at his brother. How can I look at him? How can I tell him the reason I-- “No, I want to wait.”

“Why?!’ Al pleaded, his eyes full of hurt. Ed still wouldn’t meet his gaze, he couldn’t, not when he knew he had hurt his brother. “Why?!” Al continued to ask, his voice becoming all the more desperate with each question.

“I--I,” Ed stammered. “I don’t know!” he finally said, defeated in his own battle.

“But you do know, Ed!” Edward jerked his head up, willing himself to confront his brother’s stare. “You know and you won’t tell me why!”

“That’s--” Ed balled his hands into fists. “That’s not true!”

“Then why won’t you tell me, Edward?” Al asked once again, the pain his heart coming out in his voice.

Edward stared down at the mahogany grain on the kitchen table, unable to bear his brother’s penetrating gaze. “I--I can’t, Al,” he whispered.

Al bit his lip to keep from crying. Why won’t brother tell me?! He’s keeping something from me and it’s not like I won’t listen to him. I love him, so why won’t he tell me?!! Al’s voice shook as he spoke. “You don’t care, you don’t care about us!”

Ed’s could see things spiraling out of control; he wished to be able to tell him, but the impact would be devastating. I’m doing this for his own good, he rationalized. “No, Al! I love you!” he answered back, his own voice sounding strange in his throat.

“Then show it once in a while!” All attacked him, beyond rational thought.

“I do!” Ed yelled, equally angry.

“Sex isn’t everything, Ed!!!” Al screamed, feeling tears prick the corner’s of his eyes. He shoved his chair back and thrust open the front door, slamming it behind him as he bolted.

Ed bit his lip, angry at his own actions. But this time he wasn’t going to sit around and cry about it. Ed leapt up from his own chair, leaving their now cold breakfast, and ran after his brother.

“Get back here, Al!” Ed called to the figure up ahead.

Al stood, bent over and panting, resting from his initial sprint from the house. He gave a small cry upon hearing Ed’s voice and started running again.

Ed gritted his teeth and accelerated, closing the distance between them. I’m not going to let you leave... I won’t let you run away and not explain myself! “Stop, Al!”

Al turned around to shout back, “Make me!” however, he was quite surprised at how close his brother was to him now. Al soon figured out how skilled of a runner Ed could be.

“Then I will!” Ed yelled, pushing off from the ground to lunge, jump, and tackle Al. Thrown off balance by the sudden addition of Edward’s weight to his own, the pair fell over. They lay a tangled pile on the grass by the side of the road. Al struggled under Ed’s weight, despite their difference in height. Ed was truly unwilling to let his brother escape, so he sat, straddling his waist thus pinning him down. Al blushed despite his frustration.

“Let go of me!” Al protested, using his arms to assail his brother.

“No!” Ed replied rather forcefully, grabbing Alphonse's arms to hold him back.

“Let me GO!” Al screamed at him, struggling to break free from his grasp.

“I’m not letting you go until you calm down!’ He dodged a hand as Al wrestled an arm free. He can’t possibly really want me to let him go? He’s not really that mad... or her is? “You’re just being stupid!” he said through gritted teeth.

“Don’t call me stupid, stupid!” Al retorted, twisting beneath his brother. “Ow!” he cried out.

Ed immediately let go of him and jumped back. “Sorry,” he mumbled his apology. Both were silent, sitting apart from each other, breathing heavily. Al stared at the ground; Ed looked anxiously at the road, glimpsing the outline of the Rockbell house in the distance.

“Why don’t you want Winry to know, brother?” Al asked, breaking the silence.

Rather than run from it anymore, Ed decided to go ahead and tell him. “Don’t hate me for saying this--” Al opened his mouth to speak otherwise but Ed cut him off. “I--” he began, then sighed. “I always thought me or you would end up with Winry.”

Al let out a long breath of air. “Is this what's been bothering you all these weeks?”

Ed turned to look his brother in the eye. “Yes,” he admitted.

“Have you been afraid of what she’ll say or--” he stopped, then continued, his voice a hushed whisper. “Or have you been afraid of what we are?”

Ed was silent, drawing up his knees to his chest. “Not what we are but... but what it means.”

“Oh,” Al seemed disappointed.

Ed hastily tried to correct his statement, “I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just that I never expected to fall in love with my brother, much less...” he looked away, unable to continue.

Al silently reached over and grabbed Ed’s hand, entwining their fingers. Ed looked up at the sudden, and unexpected, motion. “Al?”

“You can’t help who you fall in love with, Ed,” Al reminded him.

“Yeah, but--” Ed tried to say.

Al stopped him. I understand now. It was never a question of if he really loved me or cared about us. It was about the world. You carry the world on your shoulders, Brother. “Just like I couldn’t help falling in love with an egotistical genius with a short-complex,” Al joked.

Ed playfully punched him on the arm. I should have known he would understand... Al knows me better than I know myself, I think. “Guess I couldn’t help falling in love with a whiny animal-lover with a lemon fetish,” Ed’s lips curled upwards in a smile.

“You like lemons, too, Ed. That’s why you ate three slices of pie last night!” Al moved over to lean against his brother’s shoulder. “So are we going to tell Winry?” he asked after a while.

Ed’s bangs rippled in the light breeze that crept up. The scent of pear blossoms was in the spring air. Smells like home, he inhaled, and Al’s shampoo. “Yeah,” Edward said, bringing an arm around to hug Alphonse closer. “We’ll tell her, right now if you want.” Even if the world’s against you, family doesn’t have to be.

“Really?” Al’s face brightened.

“Sure,” Ed assured him. He laughed, “Just forgive me for being such an idiot this morning!”

Al’s smile was mischievous on his face. “Only if you kiss me.”

Ed blushed despite himself. “You’re the one who pushed me away at breakfast,” he muttered.

“Kiss me or I won’t let you have any more lemon pie.”

“Since when did you get to be so demanding, Al?” The conversation seemed oddly familiar....

“Since you did, Ed.”

“Then just come here so I can kiss you!” Ed rested his flesh hand against the back of Al’s neck, leaning in to kiss him lightly on the lips. Al wrapped his own arms around his brother’s form, bringing him down so that Ed loomed above him as Al lay in the grass. Ed began to kiss him deeper; Al tentatively moved his tongue to explore Ed’s mouth. One of Al’s hands reached to touch Edward’s skin, to feel it and delight in his warmth.

“Al?” Ed whispered in his ear, moving to kiss the soft skin of his temple. “We’re in the grass, by the road, half a mile from our house” He didn’t exactly want to end it, but he knew when to be practical. He also realized the scene which might ensue if someone were to drive by the road to which they were laying so close.

Al blinked. “So we should go ahead and go to Winry’s to tell her?”

“Right,” Ed agreed, rolling over and standing up. He extended his hand to Al, who took it, and helped him up. “What do you think she’ll say?”

Al was just as clueless as he was, and scared. “I don’t know... Winry can be just like Teacher sometimes--scary as hell, but she loves us all the same.”

Ed turned to Al. “Al, if anything happens, I want you to know that I love and you make the best lemon meringue pie in the world!”

Al gulped. “She’s going to kill us! But I love you and if we survive I’ll make lemonade for us when we get home!”

Ed nodded, the pair walking to Winry’s house hand in hand. The scent of pear blossoms was in the air and the thoughts of more than lemonade on their minds.

Lemonade--Part One Lemonade--Part Two:Lemon Meringue